quick update

Hey all - So I just wanted to give you a quick update before the big stuff starts happening again! First of all, we had a wonderful Christmas with family and friends. We hope that all of you enjoyed celebrating Jesus' birthday with us!

I am feeling pretty much back to normal! I had a cold over Christmas, but now that that is clearing up, I feel like I have my energy back (almost completely). :) So, I decided to go back to work starting this Saturday, which is the 1st of the year. I figured I might as well get a shift in before I start radiation, which is Monday the 3rd. Monday will be a trial run and then Tuesday will be the actual radiation. I'm excited to start this and be done with it all!

So just a few requests for prayer: 1)that my "nurse brain" comes back when I go back to work on Saturday...I have been off since mid-June and I worry that I have forgotten everything!
2) that I don't get too pooped working all night on Saturday so that I have energy to take care of the kids again on Monday and 3) that radiation will go well with minimal side effects.

Thanks again for following my blog and for praying for me and my family....we all appreciate it! :)

An early Christmas present...

Well, my first Christmas present is that Collin is trying to potty train himself, which is a lot of work, but will be wonderful to only have 1 child in diapers!!!!

But on to the better Christmas present....my PET scan was 100% cancer free!!!! It showed no activity anywhere, so that is the best news I could get. It still showed a decent sized mass under my sternum, but that will be there with me forever...it's just scar tissue. Thanks to the PET scan, they now know that it is dead tissue - non-cancerous! We truly serve an awesome God!

So, my radiation starts after the new year. I had my tattoos and molding done on Wednesday with my PET scan....that was an interesting day. The worst part by far was this cage they built for my head. They put this wet, flexible plastic thing over my face and snap it into place on this brace behind my head. This wet thing then dries, and makes a mold of my face that I have to wear during radiation so that i don't move my head/neck at all. It's not so bad for a few minutes, but I had to wear that thing for a long time during my CT/PET scan....I started to get claustrophobic, but I couldn't move at all b/c they were doing the scan. Oh well - at least its over now. Plus, they neglected to tell me that I would be radioactive for 6 hours after my scan....so while I'm there, they are like..."Now, you can't be by any pregnant women or infants for the rest of the day." Hmmm...how am I supposed to go home and take care of Micah?? Thankfully, the babysitter that was here watching all of them took him home with her for the afternoon. I wouldn't have even been able to hold him or feed him!!! I guess I had heard (from Laura's blog) that you shouldn't be by kids, but I didn't know what the extent of it was and they hadn't said anything to me prior to the test, so I didn't really think about it too much. Anyways, thanks to Rachel for taking Micah so that he didn't get zapped! :)

Well, now that I have the results of my scan, I feel like I can take a deep breath again. I was so nervous and anxious that my scan would show cancer everywhere...brain, spine, bone. Irrational, I know, especially after having 6 months of chemo. But your brain starts doing crazy things when you have been told that you have cancer. I'm starting to get some of my energy back....I don't wake up every morning exhausted anymore. It helps that Micah is starting to sleep a little bit better at night, too. So, we will see what my energy is like during radiation and especially when I go back to work in January.

I hope and pray that all of you that read this will have a wonderful Christmas. I know I sure will. Much love to you!!

Mountains

What's the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?? Is it your morning coffee? Is it grumbling because your kids got up too early? Or is it praise to our Maker for giving another day of Life to serve Him? I wish I could say that was the first thing I think of lately....lately, I wake up wondering what mountains God is going to give me to climb that day. It seems like sometimes God gives us mountains - Mt. Everest type mountains - not just the rolling hills of the Smokies- to climb. In my humanity, I wish God would just move those mountains so that I don't have to climb them myself. But really, I'm not climbing them myself, am I?? Isaiah 7:14 says "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and you will call him Immanuel, God with us." God with us - God is climbing with us. What a great encouragement on days where our mountains seem impossible to climb. We are not alone. God loves us so much that he sent his Son to become human, to experience what it's like to suffer, so that we wouldn't have to do it alone. Wow, what a gift.

I've had a trying couple of days...I've been having a lot of anxiety about different things lately, and then yesterday spent the day at Children's Hospital with Micah because he fell out of his Bumbo seat off of the kitchen counter. Everything is fine, thankfully. This morning I woke up and was thankful that today could only be better. So, in these days of stress and anxiety, whether that is from the holidays, illness, loneliness, financial concerns - whatever - let's try to focus on God's gift to us. When we do this, it changes our perspective and helps us see how many gifts and blessings we have in our life. Our mountains just don't seem that big anymore, do they??

CHEMO IS FINISHED!!!!!

I am officially done with chemo!!!!! I'm sorry I didn't blog about this sooner....still crawling out of my hole from Wednesday's chemo. I felt better with this last round...still not great, but not nearly as bad as the last couple of treatments had been. I am so grateful for that!

So, I have my PET scan scheduled for Dec. 15th, and an appointment with Dr. Anderson on the 17th to go over the results. Most likely I will have an appointment with Dr. Blacher (radiation oncologist) before Christmas to get my mold and tattoos done, so that radiation can start on Jan. 3. A few people have told me to get a tattoo once all of this is said and done....no need! I'll have a bunch on my chest to remind me forever! :)

I am so excited to be over and done with all of this...to have my hair back (it's growing back already....I have about 1/2" over my head!), to have my energy back, to feel like a 'normal' mom again, and to exercise again (crazy, I know). Mike and I are dreaming up a vacation to celebrate......we'll see if it actually happens!

Have a great weekend everyone! :)

Good News!!

So, yay for Chemo #11 being done....only 1 more to go!!!!!!! I'm so excited, I don't really care how I feel right now! (it helps that my in-laws are here so I am fully rested for the first time in a long long time!!!!)

The pulmonary function test that I had on Monday looked absolutely normal, so Dr. Anderson continued to give me the Bleomycin...he said I was most likely feeling a little short of breath because I was a little anemic and the fatigue has really set in, plus anxiety. So, he gave me some anxiety drugs to take....I don't know how I feel about this, but if they help me sleep, then I'm all for it!! :) The anemia is also a good excuse to eat up more beef (it's crazy how your body craves what you need...I've totally been wanting beef lately, and I usually don't like to eat it all that much!!).

I met with the radiation oncologist today - Dr. Blacher. he was wonderful and said that depending on my PET scan, which is scheduled for Dec. 15, I will most likely start radiation on Jan. 3 and have 17-20 treatments, which is 3 1/2 to 4 weeks of 5/day and week radiation. He said that the side effects from radiation will be a piece of cake compared to chemo, and most patients start to feel better during radiation! Yay!

Can you tell I'm a little excited to be done with all of this?? I'm really really looking forward to having some energy back...even though they all keep warning me that it doesn't happen overnight! Thanks again for all of your prayers....I really really appreciate it!

more tests....

Hey all - just a quick update. Thanks for all of your kind words and prayers....I have been feeling less anxious and depressed lately, so your prayers are working!

I have to go in first thing tomorrow morning (Monday) for another pulmonary function test (this measures how well my lungs are working). I have been having pain in my chest for about a month now. It had been intermittent, but now it is becoming more constant. It feels like I am running outside in the cold air all of the time....weird. It started to bother me more last week so I called the Dr. and he wants to make sure my "PFT's" haven't gotten worse. If they have, he most likely won't give me the Bleomycin for my last 2 chemo treatments as this drug causes pulmonary fibrosis (thickening/hardening of the lung tissue that causes pain, shortness of breath etc.). I would really appreciate not having to be diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis as a lot of times, this becomes something you fight for the rest of your life...it usually isn't reversible.

So, if you think about it, just send out a quick prayer for me tomorrow morning...Thanks!!

In need of prayer...

Hey all - So, I'm now officially dreading my last 2 chemo treatments. I can't say that I ever dreaded the last 10, but I am really really not looking forward to the last 2. This last treatment totally threw me under the rug....I guess the thing the bothered me the most was admitting that I can't do it all myself anymore. I can't function with the horrible body aches and migraines that start after my Neulasta shot unless I take a pain pill, which then I can't safely take care of my kids. Frustrating. Today in our Coffeebreak group we were studying the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, and the Pharisee was too proud to admit his own sin. Well, I guess I was/am too proud to admit that I need help and can't be the mom/wife/friend that I want to be, even when I know that people want to help and would be blessed in doing so. So, that is the first request for prayer tonight....that I would accept help without feeling guilty, and that the pain would not be as bad after these last 2 treatments.

The second request for prayer is for my anxiety and fear. I can honestly say that up until now, I have not been fearful or anxious about anything (in relation to having cancer). But all of a sudden in these past few weeks, my emotions are all over the place and I start thinking about the 'what ifs.' Like, "what if the tumor doesn't go away or starts to grow back, or what if the PET scan shows cancer all over the place?" Then of course it snowballs into much worse things... So, please just pray that the anxiety and fear would be lifted from my shoulders, and that the chemo does its job so that those worries don't become reality.

The third and last request for prayer is just for my strength and energy. I like to think that I try to stay active and healthy, but I have really noticed that my strength and energy level is not what it was. I have not been able to exercise like I would want to, and so my body just doesn't feel as strong. I can't even open a bottle of apple juice for the kids!! Hopefully once this is all done, I can resume a more active lifestyle again and my strength will come back.

Well, I'm sorry that this is sort of a depressing plea for prayer....I'm sending up prayers of praise for a new friend of mine who just finished her chemo for Hodgkins...we were diagnosed at the same time. My tumor was bigger than hers, so I require more chemo. Congrats, Laura!!!

Love from Wisconsin, Kara

the countdown has begun...

Hey all - wow, it's been a while since I posted last!! A lot has happened since then! Well, I had rounds #8 and 9 of chemo...round #8 threw me for a loop and really sent me to bed for a few days. I am grateful that it has taken this long for it to catch up to me, but man, when it did, it was not fun! I still didn't get nauseous or anything, just really really fatigued and achy. Round #8 gave me a migraine, which I have never really had before. I tried to be tough and go out for dinner with a bunch of our friends that night (we had a sitter lined up and I was sooo looking forward to it!), but I ended up not feeling very well at dinner and almost passed out! Yikes...not fun. So, I was pretty nervous going into round #9, which was last week. Mike was going to be gone for teachers convention, so I knew I was going to need more help. Mike's mom came and stayed for the week, which was such a blessing...she was able to take care of the kids while I slept the days away. Even today, which is Tuesday, 6 days after my last treatment, I'm still achy and have a headache...I guess this is to be expected that the fatigue will build up over time.

So, I only have 3 more treatments of chemo to go, then radiation, and then I'm done!! Yay! I'm starting to get anxious about a few things, so these are things that I need prayer for: First, I'm nervous about when I have to go back to work, and how that will go after being off for 6 months...back to nights and juggling work/children/house etc. Secondly, I'm anxious about how radiation is going to go...there is a lot of things not finalized yet because I haven't met with the radiation oncologist yet, but I"m thinking I will have radiation for 4 weeks, 5 days a week of my neck and chest starting in January. This is supposed to cause more fatigue, and because of the area of radiation, puts me at a greater risk for breast cancer in the future...great. So, I get to start having mammograms at the age of 30. Also, the radiation can cause a lot of burning of the esophagus and skin on the chest, so let's hope and pray that doesn't happen. And lastly, I'm still battling with doubt over being fully healed after all of this...every pain in my chest is starting to make me freak out to the point where I feel like I'm having a panic attack....crazy how your brain can mess with you!!!

Anyways, sorry to vent a little, but I would appreciate more prayers as we are in the home stretch. Thanks!!! :)

The pictures are from Monday when I went to the zoo - our zoo here in Milwaukee is absolutely gorgeous in the fall. Have a great week!

Quote

So I was reading the newsletter from Mike's old high school today, and the principal (who also happens to be the dad of one of our friends) was just diagnosed with CLL (lymphoma of a different kind than mine). He had this quote from Henry Blackaby in his newletter and I thought I would share it with you all - it really hits home.

"I have come to the place in my life that, if the assignment I sense God is giving me is something that I know I can handle, I know it probably is not from God.
The kind of assignments God gives in the Bible are always God-sized. They are always beyond what people can do, because He wants to demonstrate His nature, His strength, His provision and His kindness to His people and to a watching world. This is the only way the world will come to know Him."

I hope and pray that all of you can see that my strength, my hope and all of the provisions in my life are from God and God alone - none of it is my own doing. Have a great weekend everyone!

BIG NEWS!!!!

Hey all!!! So, we were having some internet problems, so sorry for the delay in updates!!!!! I have lots of things to report!

First, I ended up shaving my head after the halfway chemo treatment - it was getting so thin and there was hair all over this house, I just couldn't stand it anymore. I wasn't able to wear it without a hat, so I figured now that it's cool outside, to just shave it off and start sporting my awesome wig!! It was a sad night - I cried as Mike shaved it off, but I'm getting used to it. It's crazy to walk through the house and see myself in the mirror - it still catches me off-guard! What I have realized, though, is how warm your hair keeps your head....I have to wear a beanie to bed!! :)

Secondly, I have some great news! I had a CT scan 2 weeks ago of my chest and abdomen. I was pretty nervous and anxious about it since I had never had one of my abdomen (due to pregnancy) so I had no idea if I had any tumors there. Well, I have no tumors in my belly and the tumor in my chest has reduced in size by 90%!!!!!!! This is crazy! AND, Dr. Anderson doesn't even know if that is actual tumor left, or if it's scar tissue. the only way we will find that out is when I have my PET scan at the end of treatment! (The kind of Hodgkins that I have is called 'nodular sclerosing Hodgkins lymphoma' and it always leaves scar tissue where the tumor was....this is not a bad thing - the scar tissue does no harm and doesn't ever have to be removed.) So, needless to say, I was very happy after I talked to Dr. Anderson and he was too! :)

Lastly, we had a great weekend last weekend - we walked the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure in downtown Milwaukee (5K). It was a gorgeous day outside and we spent Sunday walking with some great friends for a great cause. Even though I don't have breat cancer, I still feel a bond to these women that are fighting this disease or those that have beat it.

Well, that's just a quick update now that I have a computer that works! Thanks to all of you for your many prayers and words of encouragement. God is doing miraculous things inside of me and he is answering many many prayers!!!

Halfway done!!!!

Hey! So this past Wednesday marked the half-way point of my chemo...yay!! I have 6 more treatments to go, which will put me at my last one being on December 15th. I will have 4 weeks of radiation after that, with radiation being 5 days a week. This coming week I will have a repeat CT scan to see how much the tumor is shrinking and then my PET scan will be once my chemo is completed in December.

I can tell that the fatigue is starting to build up a little....it's getting a little bit harder each time to bounce back after my chemo on Wednesdays. This time I was wiped out by Thursday afternoon and am still feeling pretty tired today (Saturday). The Neulasta gave me a little more bone pain again this time, but Ibuprofen and a little Vicodin does wonders. I had some wonderful helpers this week - Shana came over to watch my kiddos while I had chemo on Wednesday, a fellow teacher from Mike's school came over on Friday with lunch and let me take a nap, and now a wonderful family from church is watching all of my kids while Mike is golfing (school fundraiser...in the rain today) so that I could sleep in and rest. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to everyone who has helped or offered to help us out. I know I am stubborn sometimes and think I can just do it myself, but just to know that there are people willing and able to help relieves so much stress and anxiety. I don't like making myself vulnerable and asking for help, but I finally did ask this time, and am feeling better because of it. This way I can be a better wife and mom, instead of being overly exhausted and crabby all of the time. Thanks again to all of you!!!!

I hope you all have a great weekend - thinking back to 9 years ago on 9/11, Mike and I had just started dating and I was in my first clinical of nursing school as we watched the towers fall. Now, 9 years later, I have a wonderful husband, 3 beautiful children, a great job that I love, and a cancer diagnosis. As life changes dramatically, like on 9/11 and as I recieved my diagnosis, we know that God's love never fails. Praise and glory to Him who sits on the throne!!

Chemo #5 and Chris Rice

So, on the morning after my biopsy in June, I was in so much pain that I had Mike drive me to the pharmacy to get my pain pill prescription filled. On the way there, I'm trying to be so strong and not cry, and I hear this song by Chris Rice "Come to Jesus." I couldn't help but listen to the words and I felt like this song was written just for me....and the tears flowed freely. Every time I am in the car and I have that station on, I hear it now. Here are the lyrics:

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O raise your head for love is passing by
come to Jesus
come to Jesus
come to Jesus, and live

now your burden's lifted
and carried far away
and precious blood has washed away the stain, so
sing to Jesus
sing to Jesus
sing to Jesus, and live

and like a newborn baby
don't be afraid to crawl
and remember when you walk
sometimes we fall, so
fall on Jesus
fall on Jesus
fall on Jesus, and live

Sometimes the way is lonely
and steep and filled with pain
so if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
cry to Jesus
cry to Jesus
cry to Jesus, and live

O, and when the love spills over
and music fills the night
and when you can't contain the joy inside, then
dance for Jesus
dance for Jesus
dance for Jesus, and live

and with your final heartbeat
kiss the world goodbye
then go in peace, and laugh on glory's side, and
fly to Jesus
fly to Jesus
fly to Jesus, and live!!!

This song just means so much to me as I feel like I wouldn't be able to get through this time in my life without falling on Jesus, and yet dancing for Jesus at the same time. I've been given this horrible thing called cancer so I fall on Jesus, but at a time where we welcome another beautiful baby into our home, so then I dance for Jesus. In the midst of darkness and sadness, God continues to bless us each and every day.

Chemo #5 was yesterday, with my Neulasta shot today. I'm pretty tired today, but I forced myself to go to yoga tonight and came home feeling much better. Mike started school yesterday, so I need prayers to keep my energy up to deal with the kiddos all day. No more free naps for me!!! I know a lot of people thing yoga is weird and 'eastern,' but I have always loved it, and I really feel like it is a form of exercise that I can continue to do through all of this that still builds strength. Plus, the little time of rest at the end is WONDERFUL!!! :)

One more round of chemo and I am halfway done!!! I truly feel blessed to not be experiencing a lot of side effects that others experience. I just keep thinking that there must be so many people praying for me and God is hearing all of your prayers!!!! Thanks again for all of your kind words and prayers. Much love to you all!!!

So, I'm sorry that it has been a little while since I blogged last....this summer is just flying by!! Here are a few pictures from our recent trip to the zoo.

I had a treatment again last week Wednesday, and I've felt pretty good. I haven't had any severe bone pain like the last time, which is an answer to prayer. I felt great the day of chemo, so I decided that it's time for me to start exercising again. Well, the mosquitoes are so bad here that I can't walk without getting attacked, so I decided to hop on my bike. Well, I lasted only 3 miles and came back home. My muscles are so weak!!! Yikes! I didn't sleep hardly at all that night and still felt pretty good on Thursday so I decided to go to a yoga class. It felt soooo great to stretch and attempt to strengthen, but man, once again, I am so weak!!! Friday came around and I felt pretty tired and achy - probably a combination of being sore from yoga and the chemo/Neulasta side effects. I took a long nap on Friday and felt much better.

All weekend I have kind of been waiting for that horrible pain to come back, but it hasn't yet, so I think I'm in the clear!! Yay! Today has been such a gorgeous day outside and I've felt really good today. I took a small walk this morning with my boys and hopefully we can get out again tonight after dinner for another one.

This week we have friends from out of town coming to visit, which I have been looking forward to all summer! It looks like it is supposed to be gorgeous outside all week, so it should be a great week. (it would be great even if it rained everyday!!)

Thanks again for all of your kind words and prayers - much love to you all!!

Hey everyone - well, first of all, Mike and I had a great time at Wicked on Saturday night (thanks so much to Margaret for watching our kiddos!!!). I felt well that day and we really enjoyed the show. :)

Sunday we had a great day - we went to church and then went to some friend's house for lunch and had a great time. On Monday morning, I woke up feeling some increased pain in my back by my epidural site, but I tried to ignore it and we decided to go to Grandma Mary's pool (our "adopted" Wisconsin Grandma). ;) While we were there, my pain kept getting worse, until I could hardly stand it anymore - it was really weird pain - throbbing deep in my back that would shoot up to the back of my neck at the base of my skull. So we left for home after lunchtime and I thought I was going to lose it - I have never had pain that bad in my life. I would have rather been in labor with 10 more children than to go through that again. I started freaking out a little bit, thinking I could have an infection (my WBCs are so low, that's it is totally possible), meningitis, or a leak in my spinal fluid from being poked 4 times for my epidural. I was in too much pain to call the Dr., so Mike called Dr. Lee (OB) and he said to come right in. Well, thanks again to Margaret and Rachel, they came over to watch the kiddos last minute and we went in to see Dr. Lee. He assessed me and didn't really know what to say. He talked to the anesthesiologist and my oncologist, and they all are pretty sure that this is from my Neulasta shot that I got last week Thursday. (to increase WBC's to fight infection) That was a relief to me, but I was still in so much pain - so I had to start taking my pain pills again. Ughh. So, by Tuesday the pain started getting a little bit better and Wednesday I would only have short periods of pain. Thank God!!! Hopefully these symptoms don't come every time I get the shot, which will be the day after each chemo treatment.

Today, I was feeling much better, so we went to the zoo this morning with the whole family. I will try to post some pictures on here eventually.

My hair is for sure starting to fall out, but it is still pretty thick. It's coming out a lot slower than I expected, which is kind of torturous, but at least I can keep my hair for a little longer. I have mixed emotions about that - sometimes, I don't really care and am looking forward to wearing my new pink scarf that I ordered (thanks Bridget!), and other times I get really depressed about being bald. I guess this is to be expected....

Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers...much love, Kara

Blah

Well, one good day, one blah day....

Yesterday I felt so great that I probably over-did things, so this morning when I woke up, I felt kind of blah. I was having some friends over for a playdate this morning, so that helped me feel better, but once they all left, I kind of felt like a train had run me over. So, off to bed I went, which was not comfortable with this crazy port in my neck....a little more painful again today, but once again, I don't take the advice of "rest" very well. (my husband says I'm stubborn...I don't know if I agree...) My appetite isn't the greatest today either. BUT, I'm not nauseous at all, which is an answer to prayer. I guess the best way to describe how I feel today is like I have the flu - really achy (spelling??) and tired. I shouldn't complain - there are a couple of other girls I have come to know that aren't faring so well with their chemo, so I should be grateful that these are the only side effects so far. (and it's probably my own fault for not "taking it easy.")

So, tomorrow night Mike and I are supposed to go see Wicked...I'm super excited and we have been wanting to see it for years and it's finally in Milwaukee!! So, that is our belated anniversary gift to each other. I hope I feel well enough tomorrow night to enjoy myself. Have a great weekend everyone!

round 3 of chemo complete!

Hey y'all - well, my port is feeling much much better. Yay! It worked great for chemo yesterday and it started feeling less sore yesterday afternoon. So, I tried to sleep in my bed last night and woke up with it pretty sore again today. But, not nearly as sore as before, so I went about my normal activities....I actually had a lot of energy this morning so I cleaned, baked some zucchini bread with the plentiful zucchini from our garden, and had coffee with a great friend from work. Overall, it was a fabulous morning.

I had to go back into the dr's office today for the rest of my chemo (yesterday they started the Bleomycin, but they only gave me a test dose to see if I would have any reactions to it...I didn't, so I had to go back in today to get the full dose). They also started me on Neulasta since my white blood cells are pretty low and they don't want me getting sick. Anyways, since this dr's visit would be short, I decided to take Hannah with me. She sat in the recliner with me while I got the rest of my chemo, and we worked on a little workbook called "When someone I love has cancer." It was given to her in a backpack from the cancer center with all sorts of crafty things and a stuffed animal...super cute and thoughtful. Anyways, it's a little workbook that explains to kids what cancer is and how it is fixed and the different emotions that go with it. All in all, Hannah totally understands and we had nice mom/daughter time. I feel like it's important these days to have those one-on-one times with her - she sees me tired and I can't give her my full attention, especially with a new baby and all of the dr. appointments, so those special times with her mean a lot.

Well, my energy has finally hit it's peak for the day and I'm ready to go lay on the couch. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers....they are totally working!!! Much love to you all!

Ouch

So, I had my port placed today - and all I can say is "Ouch". I feel like I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but yep, this one hurts. I'm very very grateful to whoever was brilliant enough to invent pain pills, but even those aren't taking away all of the pain. So, I'm off to laying, rather propping myself up on the couch with lots of pillows and a bag of frozen veggies on my neck. It will be great for chemo tomorrow to have this - no more pokes for blood draws or iv's!!!!! Yay! Mike will have to drop me off and pick me up tomorrow since I will be doped up on meds, but I'm looking forward to their comfy recliner and peace and quiet listening to my iPod. :) Anyways, I'll update again later this week, but just wanted to let you all know that everything went fine today. AND, my headaches are much better lately - thanks for praying!!!! Have a great night!

Mood swings

Momma with her 3 kiddos :)

So, I apologize in advance for a not-so-positive blog post, but I'm struggling today a little bit. I have tried so hard to remain positive through all of this, but today it seems to have caught up with me. Who knows if this is all because of my hormones post-baby or stress just getting the best of me, but I'm not having a great day today. I'm hoping that venting a little bit here will help, so bear with me.

First, I've been struggling with headaches since Micah was born, and I remember (more like Mike reminds me) that I had these after the other 2 kids too, but these headaches seem to be a little bit more debilitating that others. Tylenol and Motrin are not helping at all, and I refuse to take anything stronger because then I just waste more time sleeping. So, I'm asking for prayers that my headaches will go away soon.

Second, I am pretty sure that my hair is starting to fall out. My head (this isn't helping my headache either) feels like I've had a pony tail in too tight for too long - you know that feeling when you take it out and your hair hurts?? That's how my whole head feels right now and when I rake my fingers through it, I get at least 10 hairs in my hand. This isn't really helping my mood either. I knew it was going to happen, but it still stinks when it actually does happen.

And selfishly, third, I feel like this whole Hodgkins disease is stealing my summer from me and my maternity leave from me. I guess I thought I could pop out a baby and feel normal again right away and enjoy my summer and my baby, but today my energy is gone. I try to "take it easy" like everyone tells me to do, but then I have to admit to myself that I have cancer and I can't do everything that I want to do. So I force myself to get up and do something, but then just get more tired in the process.

BUT, in all of this, I have to remind myself of all of the blessings I have in my life. There are too many to type out, but here are the highlights:

*I have a God that loves me and takes care of me no matter what, and He has complete control over all of this.

*I have a wonderful, loving husband who has more energy than I can imagine right now, who doesn't need to be asked to do laundry, clean or love our children.

*I have 3 beautiful children who love me with hair or no hair.

*Our house is still standing despite our tree falling on it last night, we have a dry basement after 8 inches of rain, and we have air-conditioning. :)

*We have a support-system of family and friends that overwhelms me everyday with loving words and actions.

OK, I feel better already - I guess it is expected to have ups and downs through all of this, but sometimes its hard to admit that I'm human and am having a crummy day. I hope and pray that you all have a great weekend. --Kara

Good news!!!!! I had a follow-up ultrasound of the veins in my neck to see if those clots were still there, and they are gone!!! Yay!!!! I won't have to have Lovenox shots (yaya!!!) and I get to have my port put in my chest on Tuesday morning!!! I never thought I would be so excited to have another painful procedure! ;) Dr. Anderson said that my labs looked great and the tumor is probably much smaller already. Crazy! So, I'll have the port put in on Tuesday and they can use it already on Wednesday for my next round of chemo. No more IV's and lab pokes - they can do it all with the port! :):)
We had family in town this week to visit - Mike's brother, his wife and their 2 girls - so much fun to hang out with them and for the kiddos to play with their cousins. We were supposed to be camping with them this summer, but that obviously didn't happen, so it was great to have them in town for a few days.
Micah also had a dr's appointment this morning and he is up to 7 lbs., so he is doing great. We don't have to see the Dr. again for him for 2 months! :) He's been sleeping a lot still, but seems to like to be awake at night....hmmm....Mom and Dad don't enjoy that so much. :)
Well, hope you all have a great weekend!!

2nd round of chemo is in...

Hey everyone - sorry I havent' updated in a little while. Things are a little busy around here with another babe thrown into the mix! Micah has been doing well - we were a little concerned because on Monday we saw the ped. and he was still losing weight, but we had another appt this morning and he is finally gaining, so that's great news. He's been a great baby otherwise - he sleeps great and doesn't fuss during the day at all, which is soooo nice. Mike and I have been able to take turns at night, too, because of the formula thing, which has been nice for me. :)

I had my 2nd round of chemo yesterday, which went quite well. They still kept out the Bleomycin because of the risk of lung problems with that drug, and they want to shrink the tumor a little bit more so that I don't have ANY shortness of breath before starting that drug. So I had just the AVD yesterday again. I asked the nurse if I would get more nauseous the further along I get with treatment and/or with the addition of the Bleo, since I didn't get sick the first time, and she said nope, since I didn't get sick, I should be good. That was great news to me. They also gave me the steroids again yesterday, so I was ready for another sleepless night, but I slept like a baby last night!!! So hopefully I won't have as much fatigue this time either. YAY!

I talked with Dr. Anderson yesterday too, and he is still concerned about these clots I have in my jugular and subclavian veins/arteries, so I have to have another ultrasound next week to see if I will have to be put on Lovenox to get rid of them. He wants to make sure there is some blood flow on both sides before he puts the port for my chemo on the right side. Hopefully with the tumor shrinking, the veins/arteries of my heart are less compressed and I will have more blood flow pressure up through my jugular and subclavian to open them up a little. We'll have to see what the test shows next week. I will also need a PET scan in the next couple of weeks to see if there are any more tumors in the rest of my body, but he wants to wait a little bit until I'm a little further along postpartum-wise.

Postpartum-wise, I feel great. I had a few rough days when I came home from the hospital - Mike said this happened with the other kids too, I just don't remember. I'm not sore at all anymore and feel pretty much back to normal. I'm still having headaches, but I'm pretty sure that could be from a combination of hormones, stress, and the crazy clots in my neck. Other than that, I can't complain. :)

Hannah and Collin have been pretty good with Micah around - Hannah loves to just sit and look at him and she was so excited to hold him the other day. Collin - yikes. He's a bruiser and loves to touch Micah, but we are still working on "gentle touches." We definitely can't leave the 2 of them in a room alone yet!!

Well, thanks for all of your thoughts, prayers and notes of encouragement. Things are going much better than I could have ever hoped for, and this has to be from all of your prayers for sure!!! Much love from the VanderVliet family of 5!

Micah James

Micah James was born on Thursday at 2:08 pm at 6lbs. 11oz. and 20 inches long. We both came home today (Saturday) and are doing well. Feeding is a little bit of a struggle for our little guy - he didn't want to keep anything down for the first couple of days, but now he's getting the hang of it after we switched to soy formula and got him pooping. ;) I'll post more maybe tomorrow, but I just wanted to update quick tonight. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. God blessed us with an easy, quick delivery and a healthy, beautiful baby boy. God is so good.

Oh Baby!!!

No, we have not had the baby yet, but I go in tomorrow morning at 7 to be induced! I was 2cm dilated last night at the Dr.'s office and 70% effaced, so making good progress already without any drugs, so hopefully things will go smoothly and fast! ;) I just got off of the phone with Dr. Anderson (oncologist) and he said that my labs looked fine this morning, so we are good to go. Can I just say - I have wonderful doctors. Dr. Lee (OB) picked out a special nurse for me for tomorrow and has talked to all of the anesthesiologists/specialists already, and Dr. Anderson just calls to check in to see how I'm doing...I seriously can't ask for better care.
Well, I just wanted to write a quick update before we go in tomorrow - I'll try to post as soon as I can once baby arrives. So excited to meet this little one!!! I've already been blessed with 2 beautiful children, and can't wait to see what God has in store for our family of 5! Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers - I can feel them all! I'm feeling very calm and confident about all of this and looking forward to the joy that a new baby brings. Much love, Kara

Feeling Good...

This is my wig...seriously, it looks like my normal hair!!!!!!

Hey Everyone - I just wanted to write a quick update to let you all know that I am feeling great....I was really tired on Thursday and Friday, mostly because I hadn't slept that Wednesday night. I haven't had any nausea at all, which is such an answer to prayer. I was worried that I would be so wiped out by the time Thursday came around for the induction, but I don't think that will be the case. Today (Saturday) I am feeling pretty normal! It's crazy to think that I had chemo on Wednesday!! I'm looking forward to going to a couple parades with the fam this weekend - and getting all of the baby stuff washed and ready for Thursday!!! Crazy! I'm going to try to post a picture of my new wig - I don't need it yet, but will be getting my hair chopped off on Tuesday just so that it isn't so traumatic when it starts to fall out since it is pretty long now. Anyways, I hope and pray that you all have a great 4th weekend. Thanks for all of the thoughts and prayers...God is good and blesses us each and every day!

So, today my girlfriends took me to Racine to get a wig - it was awesome...the lady had picked out the perfect wig for me - seriously, it's the same color as my hair and a super cute cut so it looks pretty natural. I'm pretty pumped to have a nice looking wig...why does hair have to be such a big deal??? So, hopefully I can get my hair chopped soon so that when it falls out it won't be so traumatic for me and the kiddos.
I still feel great today - no nausea whatsoever. I've eaten like normal and even had an oreo shake from culvers this afternoon :) I'm pretty tired so I'm hoping that I can sleep well tonight, but other than that, can't complain, which is such an answer to prayer.
We just had a great meal brought over by the Kovals - thanks Margaret!!! We are so blessed with people that are more than willing to help out in any way. Seriously, I can't say thank you enough, and I'm already behind in writing thank you notes, so just know that you are all appreciated!!!
Well, we are off to the park tonight. It's been such gorgeous weather so we are trying to take full advantage of it. Love you all, Kara

1st Chemo

So, today I had my first round of chemo. It was very strange to me to go into the office, feeling absolutely fine, knowing that they are pumping me with chemo that could make me feel horrible. So far, I feel like I just had 4 cups of coffee from the steroids they gave me, but no nausea or anything. I'll probably be up all night, but I have some good books to read (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo...anyone like it??). So, the plan is still for me to see my OB on Tuesday to feel my cervix and check blood work and if all is well, to induce on Thursday, and if I feel well enough that next week to have another round of chemo the following Wednesday. I'm looking forward to having this baby and the joy that it brings with it - something to look forward to in the midst of all of this other than shrinking this softball in my chest. God has really blessed me with peace in these last couple of days - my mom is all nervous about the baby and I really haven't been anxious about that at all - I have peace that my doctors know what they are doing and that the baby will be just fine. So, thanks for all of your prayers for peace - they are working!!!! I slept last night without taking any meds to help me sleep, which was another big deal. Well, just thought I would give a quick update - thanks again for all of the prayers and thoughts and notes of encouragement. Much love, Kara

Clogged veins....

Hey all - well, Friday's ultrasound showed that my 'vasculature' or veins in my chest are too congested right now to put the port in due to the pressure that the tumor is causing on my blood vessels to my heart. So, no port until they can shrink the tumor a little bit to relieve the pressure, which Dr. Anderson is confident can happen within a few weeks of chemo. Also, they found a clot in my jugular vein, which freaks me out a little bit, but they said not to worry about it yet as it's just from slow/congested blood flow from the pressure. I worry more about pushing with labor and having a clot, so I talked to Dr. Lee (OB) about it and he's going to talk to the surgeon about it and let me know. C-section still might be the end result...we'll see.
So, this week I have my first chemo treatment on Wednesday - 3 hours. I guess they aren't usually that long, but this includes teaching so it's longer than normal. I've saved my coupons to cut and my magazines to read for until then... :) Dr. Lee says that most likely if my blood counts are ok, we will be inducing labor on the 8th of July then so that I will be 36.5 weeks along and a week out of chemo. Collin had his 2 year well-baby visit today with the pediatrician so I explained to him that he will have another patient next week, and he's confident that everything will be fine....and St. Joe's has a great NICU if we need it.
Emotionally I've been really labile lately....one minute I will be fine and then the next minute fighting tears. I'm having trouble sleeping because I can't seem to turn my brain off, which is frustrating and leaves me even more tired during the day. I want to pray, but a lot of times I don't even know what to say, so I really appreciate everyone praying on my behalf. I swear that I'm more short of breath lately, but I don't know if it's from anxiety, or actually knowing that I have a huge mass in my chest, or from the baby growing or a combination of all of these things. I guess I'm just ready to get started with getting rid of this thing in me (tumor) and meeting my new little bundle (baby), and am just sad that they have to be at the same time.
Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers....sorry if I don't respond to your messages or emails...there are just too many to keep up - I would be on the computer all day and I'm trying to savor my 'healthy' time with my kiddos and hubby right now instead of sitting on the computer. Love you all, Kara

So, we met with Dr. Anderson this morning for a long time....and got a lot of answers.
I start chemo next week Wednesday already, which was a shocker to me, and then will induce baby the week after that, which would be 36 weeks gestation. Before we start chemo, I need to have a cardiac ultrasound to make sure that the tumor isn't compressing any major vessels, which is now scheduled for tomorrow morning. Then, I meet with the surgeon again tomorrow to first take out my stitches from last week, and then plan to put a port in my chest for the chemo, which will most likely be Monday. Dr. Anderson was pretty confident that this is stage I or II hodgkins, which is great news, but we can't know for sure until after I have the baby and can have a PET scan. I will have chemo once every 2 weeks for 6 months total, and then probably radiation after that.
After todays appointment, things are much more real to me and it's been a little bit more rough to be tough. I for sure will lose all of my hair, which is one of the hardest things for me to deal with, even though it seems vain in light of everything else going on, but then I will look like a cancer patient. I was hoping to kind of fake it through and look pretty normal, especially for my kids. I don't really want them thinking mommy is sick. Maybe it will grow back curlier... :)
I've been blessed with such great doctors - I know for sure that Dr. Lee and Dr. Anderson are both Christians, and that really helps when dealing with things like this.
I guess I just covet prayers that everything will be ok tomorrow on the echo so that I can have the port put in, instead of having to use my veins in my arms for chemo. Dr. Anderson is starting chemo right away because he is confident that he can shrink the tumor with just a few doses of chemo, to prevent any respiratory or cardiac complications that could come from having a huge mass on my chest.
Well, I'm just blubbering on and on....thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers.

New to blogging....

Hey everyone....well, I'm new to blogging, but I figured this would be an easier way to keep everyone updated on what's going on in our lives these days. Some day I'll figure out how to post pictures, but for now, words will have to do! :)

So, the story is this....about a month ago I had a lot of pain in my back and left chest area and thought I had pulled a muscle lifting Collin or pulled a rib or something and noticed a lump on the left side of my sternum. It was hard and felt bony, so I just thought it was some cartilage or scar tissue building up from some sort of injury. I mentioned it to Dr. Lee at one on my OB appointments, and he said to see a general surgeon. So I made that appt, went to see Dr. Battista, and he wanted to do a CT scan. This made me nervous because I was pregnant, and because everything I was looking at online about lumps on sternums meant bone cancer of some sort.
So, I had the CT scan last week Wednesday (and about 20 minutes before I was supposed to leave Mike noticed that our sump pump wasn't working and we had water in our entire basement!!!!) and when I got home from the scan , the surgeon was on the phone already telling me that the radiologist thought it looked like lymphoma. I was shocked. So, he wanted to do an open biopsy the following day, so on Thursday Mike and I went to the hospital for what we thought was going to be a 15-30 minute procedure. Well, he couldn't give me general anesthesia because I was pregnant, so I was given propofol (the same drug that killed Michael Jackson :) and was awake during the procedure, which took a little over an hour. He removed a lot of the lump that was on my sternum, but told us that there was a huge mass underneath my sternum still. The pathologist called back while I was still in surgery and said he was almost positive it was Hodgkin's lymphoma, which is the better kind, so that was the best news that we could get other than the lump being benign. So I now have an inch incision on my chest with stitches to come out on Friday. I really had quite a bit of pain for the first few days since there was some muscle connected to the lump, but that is feeling much better these days.
So, we met with Dr. Lee my OB last night and we meet with Dr. Anderson the oncologist tomorrow morning to decide the course of treatment and when to have this baby. I'm 34 weeks along, so Dr. Lee would like to get to 36 weeks before inducing me, but we will have to see what dr. Anderson has to say tomorrow. We also don't know if I will need just radiation or both radiation and chemo at this point. All of these questions will hopefully be answered at tomorrows appointment.
I'm really feeling quite hopeful at this point, but still anxious about whether or not this cancer is anywhere else in my body. I really just want to have this baby and get treatments started so I can be rid of it all. I'm also a little anxious about being tired with a newborn and starting treatment, but those are things in the future that I can't really be worrying about already. I'm confident in all of the doctors that I see and that this is a curable and treatable disease, but it's still scary since it is cancer. I trust that God has a plan in all of this - he blessed us in the fact that I'm this far along in my pregnancy and that Mike is home for the summer....it would be a lot more challenging if it was earlier in the pregnancy and if Mike was still teaching. I'm blessed with a church family that acts as our family here in WI since our family is all out of town, and with wonderful, supportive friends here in WI. (and those that are no longer living in WI) :) Anyways, I am rambling now, so I will post tomorrow after we meet with Dr. Anderson....hopefully we will have a timeline of when things will happen and what my treatment plan will look like. We appreciate all of your support and prayers. Love you all!!!