So, I apologize in advance for a not-so-positive blog post, but I'm struggling today a little bit. I have tried so hard to remain positive through all of this, but today it seems to have caught up with me. Who knows if this is all because of my hormones post-baby or stress just getting the best of me, but I'm not having a great day today. I'm hoping that venting a little bit here will help, so bear with me.
First, I've been struggling with headaches since Micah was born, and I remember (more like Mike reminds me) that I had these after the other 2 kids too, but these headaches seem to be a little bit more debilitating that others. Tylenol and Motrin are not helping at all, and I refuse to take anything stronger because then I just waste more time sleeping. So, I'm asking for prayers that my headaches will go away soon.
Second, I am pretty sure that my hair is starting to fall out. My head (this isn't helping my headache either) feels like I've had a pony tail in too tight for too long - you know that feeling when you take it out and your hair hurts?? That's how my whole head feels right now and when I rake my fingers through it, I get at least 10 hairs in my hand. This isn't really helping my mood either. I knew it was going to happen, but it still stinks when it actually does happen.
And selfishly, third, I feel like this whole Hodgkins disease is stealing my summer from me and my maternity leave from me. I guess I thought I could pop out a baby and feel normal again right away and enjoy my summer and my baby, but today my energy is gone. I try to "take it easy" like everyone tells me to do, but then I have to admit to myself that I have cancer and I can't do everything that I want to do. So I force myself to get up and do something, but then just get more tired in the process.
BUT, in all of this, I have to remind myself of all of the blessings I have in my life. There are too many to type out, but here are the highlights:
*I have a God that loves me and takes care of me no matter what, and He has complete control over all of this.
*I have a wonderful, loving husband who has more energy than I can imagine right now, who doesn't need to be asked to do laundry, clean or love our children.
*I have 3 beautiful children who love me with hair or no hair.
*Our house is still standing despite our tree falling on it last night, we have a dry basement after 8 inches of rain, and we have air-conditioning. :)
*We have a support-system of family and friends that overwhelms me everyday with loving words and actions.
OK, I feel better already - I guess it is expected to have ups and downs through all of this, but sometimes its hard to admit that I'm human and am having a crummy day. I hope and pray that you all have a great weekend. --Kara
((((HUGS)))) It's hard to take it easy, that's for sure. I hope things look up for you tomorrow! In the meantime, a little headache tip, I don't know if you're into alternative medicine kind of stuff, but when I had stress headaches in law school Bob would do reflexology on me and it really helped. Basically you just rub the tips of the toes for headaches. Here's a video:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9xvb2aHBZc
you don't need the fancy little tool they use in the video, you can do it with fingertips or anything that's kind of pointy like that tool. It seems a little crazy, but it did help me. If nothing else it's a foot rub from your husband and it's hard to go wrong there.
thanks for being real and open and honest - hang in there! prayers coming your way right now for your headaches and encouragement. you're amazing!
ReplyDeleteKara, your honesty is appreciated and thanks for the specific prayer request about the headaches; I will definitely add that to the list. Hoping and praying that tomorrow/today is better. Yea for new days! Love and hugs!
ReplyDeleteKara, you are in my prayers daily but I will add an extra "headache" prayer today. Hang in there. Remember there are brighter days ahead. Lay on the couch and hold the baby. The wonderful smell should have a calming effect. Love, Pat
ReplyDeleteAll I have to say is AMEN...I (almost) know how you feel :) I have had the headaches too, but I think mine might be from sleeping on my neck wrong (the whole port thing). So maybe when you get yours in, the headaches will even each other out somehow and just go away. We can only hope!! And trust me, after having a baby, a TREE FALLING ON YOUR HOUSE, and going through the second round of chemo (which I heard is usually when the hair starts to go) you have every single right to feel the way you do! I second that this sucks during summer, but someone told me to count the blessings that it did happen in summer and not winter. Could you imagine how much MORE depressed we would be if it was dark by 6 pm everynight?? :) I hope I can encourage you somehow cause we gotta stick together. Some advice about the port, don't feel bad to ask for help if you have family or friends around. Because to me, the port was the most uncomfortable part. It took about a whole week before I can honestly say it didn't drive me crazy. But you gave birth to three children, so this will be a breeze!! :) And we are skinny people so I think the port just stretches us more. HAHA I don't say this to scare you, just to prepare you like you are with me. If I can help in any other way, send me an email sometime and I can give you my phone number. We can compare stories. And I think the jaw thing might have been from the bleo or thrush. Went away after three days but NOT fun. I HOPE you don't ever get that. OK, enough with the negatives. We will survive this and you know what, that should be an enough positive for me. Cancer really stinks, but hey...I gota new friend out of it. Please take care Kara! And have a bad day once in awhile. We deserve it :)
ReplyDeleteSaying an extra prayer my friend, especially for those headaches!
ReplyDeleteKara-I just keep praying for you every day! I can't imagine how hard this journey is for you and your family, but I'm praying that you get your health back quickly! Hang in there and know that we are praying for you. It's OKAY to have a down day. ((hugs))
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