Hey all - So, I'm now officially dreading my last 2 chemo treatments. I can't say that I ever dreaded the last 10, but I am really really not looking forward to the last 2. This last treatment totally threw me under the rug....I guess the thing the bothered me the most was admitting that I can't do it all myself anymore. I can't function with the horrible body aches and migraines that start after my Neulasta shot unless I take a pain pill, which then I can't safely take care of my kids. Frustrating. Today in our Coffeebreak group we were studying the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, and the Pharisee was too proud to admit his own sin. Well, I guess I was/am too proud to admit that I need help and can't be the mom/wife/friend that I want to be, even when I know that people want to help and would be blessed in doing so. So, that is the first request for prayer tonight....that I would accept help without feeling guilty, and that the pain would not be as bad after these last 2 treatments.
The second request for prayer is for my anxiety and fear. I can honestly say that up until now, I have not been fearful or anxious about anything (in relation to having cancer). But all of a sudden in these past few weeks, my emotions are all over the place and I start thinking about the 'what ifs.' Like, "what if the tumor doesn't go away or starts to grow back, or what if the PET scan shows cancer all over the place?" Then of course it snowballs into much worse things... So, please just pray that the anxiety and fear would be lifted from my shoulders, and that the chemo does its job so that those worries don't become reality.
The third and last request for prayer is just for my strength and energy. I like to think that I try to stay active and healthy, but I have really noticed that my strength and energy level is not what it was. I have not been able to exercise like I would want to, and so my body just doesn't feel as strong. I can't even open a bottle of apple juice for the kids!! Hopefully once this is all done, I can resume a more active lifestyle again and my strength will come back.
Well, I'm sorry that this is sort of a depressing plea for prayer....I'm sending up prayers of praise for a new friend of mine who just finished her chemo for Hodgkins...we were diagnosed at the same time. My tumor was bigger than hers, so I require more chemo. Congrats, Laura!!!
Love from Wisconsin, Kara
Hey you- thinking and praying for you often! Don't discount yourself for all the strength and perseverance you have shown! It's wonderful to see your positive journey through this trial, all the while, walking alongside God. Love and prayers from Wyoming!! Jessie
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