An early Christmas present...

Well, my first Christmas present is that Collin is trying to potty train himself, which is a lot of work, but will be wonderful to only have 1 child in diapers!!!!

But on to the better Christmas present....my PET scan was 100% cancer free!!!! It showed no activity anywhere, so that is the best news I could get. It still showed a decent sized mass under my sternum, but that will be there with me forever...it's just scar tissue. Thanks to the PET scan, they now know that it is dead tissue - non-cancerous! We truly serve an awesome God!

So, my radiation starts after the new year. I had my tattoos and molding done on Wednesday with my PET scan....that was an interesting day. The worst part by far was this cage they built for my head. They put this wet, flexible plastic thing over my face and snap it into place on this brace behind my head. This wet thing then dries, and makes a mold of my face that I have to wear during radiation so that i don't move my head/neck at all. It's not so bad for a few minutes, but I had to wear that thing for a long time during my CT/PET scan....I started to get claustrophobic, but I couldn't move at all b/c they were doing the scan. Oh well - at least its over now. Plus, they neglected to tell me that I would be radioactive for 6 hours after my scan....so while I'm there, they are like..."Now, you can't be by any pregnant women or infants for the rest of the day." Hmmm...how am I supposed to go home and take care of Micah?? Thankfully, the babysitter that was here watching all of them took him home with her for the afternoon. I wouldn't have even been able to hold him or feed him!!! I guess I had heard (from Laura's blog) that you shouldn't be by kids, but I didn't know what the extent of it was and they hadn't said anything to me prior to the test, so I didn't really think about it too much. Anyways, thanks to Rachel for taking Micah so that he didn't get zapped! :)

Well, now that I have the results of my scan, I feel like I can take a deep breath again. I was so nervous and anxious that my scan would show cancer everywhere...brain, spine, bone. Irrational, I know, especially after having 6 months of chemo. But your brain starts doing crazy things when you have been told that you have cancer. I'm starting to get some of my energy back....I don't wake up every morning exhausted anymore. It helps that Micah is starting to sleep a little bit better at night, too. So, we will see what my energy is like during radiation and especially when I go back to work in January.

I hope and pray that all of you that read this will have a wonderful Christmas. I know I sure will. Much love to you!!

Mountains

What's the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?? Is it your morning coffee? Is it grumbling because your kids got up too early? Or is it praise to our Maker for giving another day of Life to serve Him? I wish I could say that was the first thing I think of lately....lately, I wake up wondering what mountains God is going to give me to climb that day. It seems like sometimes God gives us mountains - Mt. Everest type mountains - not just the rolling hills of the Smokies- to climb. In my humanity, I wish God would just move those mountains so that I don't have to climb them myself. But really, I'm not climbing them myself, am I?? Isaiah 7:14 says "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and you will call him Immanuel, God with us." God with us - God is climbing with us. What a great encouragement on days where our mountains seem impossible to climb. We are not alone. God loves us so much that he sent his Son to become human, to experience what it's like to suffer, so that we wouldn't have to do it alone. Wow, what a gift.

I've had a trying couple of days...I've been having a lot of anxiety about different things lately, and then yesterday spent the day at Children's Hospital with Micah because he fell out of his Bumbo seat off of the kitchen counter. Everything is fine, thankfully. This morning I woke up and was thankful that today could only be better. So, in these days of stress and anxiety, whether that is from the holidays, illness, loneliness, financial concerns - whatever - let's try to focus on God's gift to us. When we do this, it changes our perspective and helps us see how many gifts and blessings we have in our life. Our mountains just don't seem that big anymore, do they??

CHEMO IS FINISHED!!!!!

I am officially done with chemo!!!!! I'm sorry I didn't blog about this sooner....still crawling out of my hole from Wednesday's chemo. I felt better with this last round...still not great, but not nearly as bad as the last couple of treatments had been. I am so grateful for that!

So, I have my PET scan scheduled for Dec. 15th, and an appointment with Dr. Anderson on the 17th to go over the results. Most likely I will have an appointment with Dr. Blacher (radiation oncologist) before Christmas to get my mold and tattoos done, so that radiation can start on Jan. 3. A few people have told me to get a tattoo once all of this is said and done....no need! I'll have a bunch on my chest to remind me forever! :)

I am so excited to be over and done with all of this...to have my hair back (it's growing back already....I have about 1/2" over my head!), to have my energy back, to feel like a 'normal' mom again, and to exercise again (crazy, I know). Mike and I are dreaming up a vacation to celebrate......we'll see if it actually happens!

Have a great weekend everyone! :)

Good News!!

So, yay for Chemo #11 being done....only 1 more to go!!!!!!! I'm so excited, I don't really care how I feel right now! (it helps that my in-laws are here so I am fully rested for the first time in a long long time!!!!)

The pulmonary function test that I had on Monday looked absolutely normal, so Dr. Anderson continued to give me the Bleomycin...he said I was most likely feeling a little short of breath because I was a little anemic and the fatigue has really set in, plus anxiety. So, he gave me some anxiety drugs to take....I don't know how I feel about this, but if they help me sleep, then I'm all for it!! :) The anemia is also a good excuse to eat up more beef (it's crazy how your body craves what you need...I've totally been wanting beef lately, and I usually don't like to eat it all that much!!).

I met with the radiation oncologist today - Dr. Blacher. he was wonderful and said that depending on my PET scan, which is scheduled for Dec. 15, I will most likely start radiation on Jan. 3 and have 17-20 treatments, which is 3 1/2 to 4 weeks of 5/day and week radiation. He said that the side effects from radiation will be a piece of cake compared to chemo, and most patients start to feel better during radiation! Yay!

Can you tell I'm a little excited to be done with all of this?? I'm really really looking forward to having some energy back...even though they all keep warning me that it doesn't happen overnight! Thanks again for all of your prayers....I really really appreciate it!

more tests....

Hey all - just a quick update. Thanks for all of your kind words and prayers....I have been feeling less anxious and depressed lately, so your prayers are working!

I have to go in first thing tomorrow morning (Monday) for another pulmonary function test (this measures how well my lungs are working). I have been having pain in my chest for about a month now. It had been intermittent, but now it is becoming more constant. It feels like I am running outside in the cold air all of the time....weird. It started to bother me more last week so I called the Dr. and he wants to make sure my "PFT's" haven't gotten worse. If they have, he most likely won't give me the Bleomycin for my last 2 chemo treatments as this drug causes pulmonary fibrosis (thickening/hardening of the lung tissue that causes pain, shortness of breath etc.). I would really appreciate not having to be diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis as a lot of times, this becomes something you fight for the rest of your life...it usually isn't reversible.

So, if you think about it, just send out a quick prayer for me tomorrow morning...Thanks!!

In need of prayer...

Hey all - So, I'm now officially dreading my last 2 chemo treatments. I can't say that I ever dreaded the last 10, but I am really really not looking forward to the last 2. This last treatment totally threw me under the rug....I guess the thing the bothered me the most was admitting that I can't do it all myself anymore. I can't function with the horrible body aches and migraines that start after my Neulasta shot unless I take a pain pill, which then I can't safely take care of my kids. Frustrating. Today in our Coffeebreak group we were studying the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, and the Pharisee was too proud to admit his own sin. Well, I guess I was/am too proud to admit that I need help and can't be the mom/wife/friend that I want to be, even when I know that people want to help and would be blessed in doing so. So, that is the first request for prayer tonight....that I would accept help without feeling guilty, and that the pain would not be as bad after these last 2 treatments.

The second request for prayer is for my anxiety and fear. I can honestly say that up until now, I have not been fearful or anxious about anything (in relation to having cancer). But all of a sudden in these past few weeks, my emotions are all over the place and I start thinking about the 'what ifs.' Like, "what if the tumor doesn't go away or starts to grow back, or what if the PET scan shows cancer all over the place?" Then of course it snowballs into much worse things... So, please just pray that the anxiety and fear would be lifted from my shoulders, and that the chemo does its job so that those worries don't become reality.

The third and last request for prayer is just for my strength and energy. I like to think that I try to stay active and healthy, but I have really noticed that my strength and energy level is not what it was. I have not been able to exercise like I would want to, and so my body just doesn't feel as strong. I can't even open a bottle of apple juice for the kids!! Hopefully once this is all done, I can resume a more active lifestyle again and my strength will come back.

Well, I'm sorry that this is sort of a depressing plea for prayer....I'm sending up prayers of praise for a new friend of mine who just finished her chemo for Hodgkins...we were diagnosed at the same time. My tumor was bigger than hers, so I require more chemo. Congrats, Laura!!!

Love from Wisconsin, Kara

the countdown has begun...

Hey all - wow, it's been a while since I posted last!! A lot has happened since then! Well, I had rounds #8 and 9 of chemo...round #8 threw me for a loop and really sent me to bed for a few days. I am grateful that it has taken this long for it to catch up to me, but man, when it did, it was not fun! I still didn't get nauseous or anything, just really really fatigued and achy. Round #8 gave me a migraine, which I have never really had before. I tried to be tough and go out for dinner with a bunch of our friends that night (we had a sitter lined up and I was sooo looking forward to it!), but I ended up not feeling very well at dinner and almost passed out! Yikes...not fun. So, I was pretty nervous going into round #9, which was last week. Mike was going to be gone for teachers convention, so I knew I was going to need more help. Mike's mom came and stayed for the week, which was such a blessing...she was able to take care of the kids while I slept the days away. Even today, which is Tuesday, 6 days after my last treatment, I'm still achy and have a headache...I guess this is to be expected that the fatigue will build up over time.

So, I only have 3 more treatments of chemo to go, then radiation, and then I'm done!! Yay! I'm starting to get anxious about a few things, so these are things that I need prayer for: First, I'm nervous about when I have to go back to work, and how that will go after being off for 6 months...back to nights and juggling work/children/house etc. Secondly, I'm anxious about how radiation is going to go...there is a lot of things not finalized yet because I haven't met with the radiation oncologist yet, but I"m thinking I will have radiation for 4 weeks, 5 days a week of my neck and chest starting in January. This is supposed to cause more fatigue, and because of the area of radiation, puts me at a greater risk for breast cancer in the future...great. So, I get to start having mammograms at the age of 30. Also, the radiation can cause a lot of burning of the esophagus and skin on the chest, so let's hope and pray that doesn't happen. And lastly, I'm still battling with doubt over being fully healed after all of this...every pain in my chest is starting to make me freak out to the point where I feel like I'm having a panic attack....crazy how your brain can mess with you!!!

Anyways, sorry to vent a little, but I would appreciate more prayers as we are in the home stretch. Thanks!!! :)

The pictures are from Monday when I went to the zoo - our zoo here in Milwaukee is absolutely gorgeous in the fall. Have a great week!