the countdown has begun...

Hey all - wow, it's been a while since I posted last!! A lot has happened since then! Well, I had rounds #8 and 9 of chemo...round #8 threw me for a loop and really sent me to bed for a few days. I am grateful that it has taken this long for it to catch up to me, but man, when it did, it was not fun! I still didn't get nauseous or anything, just really really fatigued and achy. Round #8 gave me a migraine, which I have never really had before. I tried to be tough and go out for dinner with a bunch of our friends that night (we had a sitter lined up and I was sooo looking forward to it!), but I ended up not feeling very well at dinner and almost passed out! Yikes...not fun. So, I was pretty nervous going into round #9, which was last week. Mike was going to be gone for teachers convention, so I knew I was going to need more help. Mike's mom came and stayed for the week, which was such a blessing...she was able to take care of the kids while I slept the days away. Even today, which is Tuesday, 6 days after my last treatment, I'm still achy and have a headache...I guess this is to be expected that the fatigue will build up over time.

So, I only have 3 more treatments of chemo to go, then radiation, and then I'm done!! Yay! I'm starting to get anxious about a few things, so these are things that I need prayer for: First, I'm nervous about when I have to go back to work, and how that will go after being off for 6 months...back to nights and juggling work/children/house etc. Secondly, I'm anxious about how radiation is going to go...there is a lot of things not finalized yet because I haven't met with the radiation oncologist yet, but I"m thinking I will have radiation for 4 weeks, 5 days a week of my neck and chest starting in January. This is supposed to cause more fatigue, and because of the area of radiation, puts me at a greater risk for breast cancer in the future...great. So, I get to start having mammograms at the age of 30. Also, the radiation can cause a lot of burning of the esophagus and skin on the chest, so let's hope and pray that doesn't happen. And lastly, I'm still battling with doubt over being fully healed after all of this...every pain in my chest is starting to make me freak out to the point where I feel like I'm having a panic attack....crazy how your brain can mess with you!!!

Anyways, sorry to vent a little, but I would appreciate more prayers as we are in the home stretch. Thanks!!! :)

The pictures are from Monday when I went to the zoo - our zoo here in Milwaukee is absolutely gorgeous in the fall. Have a great week!

Quote

So I was reading the newsletter from Mike's old high school today, and the principal (who also happens to be the dad of one of our friends) was just diagnosed with CLL (lymphoma of a different kind than mine). He had this quote from Henry Blackaby in his newletter and I thought I would share it with you all - it really hits home.

"I have come to the place in my life that, if the assignment I sense God is giving me is something that I know I can handle, I know it probably is not from God.
The kind of assignments God gives in the Bible are always God-sized. They are always beyond what people can do, because He wants to demonstrate His nature, His strength, His provision and His kindness to His people and to a watching world. This is the only way the world will come to know Him."

I hope and pray that all of you can see that my strength, my hope and all of the provisions in my life are from God and God alone - none of it is my own doing. Have a great weekend everyone!

BIG NEWS!!!!

Hey all!!! So, we were having some internet problems, so sorry for the delay in updates!!!!! I have lots of things to report!

First, I ended up shaving my head after the halfway chemo treatment - it was getting so thin and there was hair all over this house, I just couldn't stand it anymore. I wasn't able to wear it without a hat, so I figured now that it's cool outside, to just shave it off and start sporting my awesome wig!! It was a sad night - I cried as Mike shaved it off, but I'm getting used to it. It's crazy to walk through the house and see myself in the mirror - it still catches me off-guard! What I have realized, though, is how warm your hair keeps your head....I have to wear a beanie to bed!! :)

Secondly, I have some great news! I had a CT scan 2 weeks ago of my chest and abdomen. I was pretty nervous and anxious about it since I had never had one of my abdomen (due to pregnancy) so I had no idea if I had any tumors there. Well, I have no tumors in my belly and the tumor in my chest has reduced in size by 90%!!!!!!! This is crazy! AND, Dr. Anderson doesn't even know if that is actual tumor left, or if it's scar tissue. the only way we will find that out is when I have my PET scan at the end of treatment! (The kind of Hodgkins that I have is called 'nodular sclerosing Hodgkins lymphoma' and it always leaves scar tissue where the tumor was....this is not a bad thing - the scar tissue does no harm and doesn't ever have to be removed.) So, needless to say, I was very happy after I talked to Dr. Anderson and he was too! :)

Lastly, we had a great weekend last weekend - we walked the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure in downtown Milwaukee (5K). It was a gorgeous day outside and we spent Sunday walking with some great friends for a great cause. Even though I don't have breat cancer, I still feel a bond to these women that are fighting this disease or those that have beat it.

Well, that's just a quick update now that I have a computer that works! Thanks to all of you for your many prayers and words of encouragement. God is doing miraculous things inside of me and he is answering many many prayers!!!

Halfway done!!!!

Hey! So this past Wednesday marked the half-way point of my chemo...yay!! I have 6 more treatments to go, which will put me at my last one being on December 15th. I will have 4 weeks of radiation after that, with radiation being 5 days a week. This coming week I will have a repeat CT scan to see how much the tumor is shrinking and then my PET scan will be once my chemo is completed in December.

I can tell that the fatigue is starting to build up a little....it's getting a little bit harder each time to bounce back after my chemo on Wednesdays. This time I was wiped out by Thursday afternoon and am still feeling pretty tired today (Saturday). The Neulasta gave me a little more bone pain again this time, but Ibuprofen and a little Vicodin does wonders. I had some wonderful helpers this week - Shana came over to watch my kiddos while I had chemo on Wednesday, a fellow teacher from Mike's school came over on Friday with lunch and let me take a nap, and now a wonderful family from church is watching all of my kids while Mike is golfing (school fundraiser...in the rain today) so that I could sleep in and rest. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to everyone who has helped or offered to help us out. I know I am stubborn sometimes and think I can just do it myself, but just to know that there are people willing and able to help relieves so much stress and anxiety. I don't like making myself vulnerable and asking for help, but I finally did ask this time, and am feeling better because of it. This way I can be a better wife and mom, instead of being overly exhausted and crabby all of the time. Thanks again to all of you!!!!

I hope you all have a great weekend - thinking back to 9 years ago on 9/11, Mike and I had just started dating and I was in my first clinical of nursing school as we watched the towers fall. Now, 9 years later, I have a wonderful husband, 3 beautiful children, a great job that I love, and a cancer diagnosis. As life changes dramatically, like on 9/11 and as I recieved my diagnosis, we know that God's love never fails. Praise and glory to Him who sits on the throne!!

Chemo #5 and Chris Rice

So, on the morning after my biopsy in June, I was in so much pain that I had Mike drive me to the pharmacy to get my pain pill prescription filled. On the way there, I'm trying to be so strong and not cry, and I hear this song by Chris Rice "Come to Jesus." I couldn't help but listen to the words and I felt like this song was written just for me....and the tears flowed freely. Every time I am in the car and I have that station on, I hear it now. Here are the lyrics:

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O raise your head for love is passing by
come to Jesus
come to Jesus
come to Jesus, and live

now your burden's lifted
and carried far away
and precious blood has washed away the stain, so
sing to Jesus
sing to Jesus
sing to Jesus, and live

and like a newborn baby
don't be afraid to crawl
and remember when you walk
sometimes we fall, so
fall on Jesus
fall on Jesus
fall on Jesus, and live

Sometimes the way is lonely
and steep and filled with pain
so if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
cry to Jesus
cry to Jesus
cry to Jesus, and live

O, and when the love spills over
and music fills the night
and when you can't contain the joy inside, then
dance for Jesus
dance for Jesus
dance for Jesus, and live

and with your final heartbeat
kiss the world goodbye
then go in peace, and laugh on glory's side, and
fly to Jesus
fly to Jesus
fly to Jesus, and live!!!

This song just means so much to me as I feel like I wouldn't be able to get through this time in my life without falling on Jesus, and yet dancing for Jesus at the same time. I've been given this horrible thing called cancer so I fall on Jesus, but at a time where we welcome another beautiful baby into our home, so then I dance for Jesus. In the midst of darkness and sadness, God continues to bless us each and every day.

Chemo #5 was yesterday, with my Neulasta shot today. I'm pretty tired today, but I forced myself to go to yoga tonight and came home feeling much better. Mike started school yesterday, so I need prayers to keep my energy up to deal with the kiddos all day. No more free naps for me!!! I know a lot of people thing yoga is weird and 'eastern,' but I have always loved it, and I really feel like it is a form of exercise that I can continue to do through all of this that still builds strength. Plus, the little time of rest at the end is WONDERFUL!!! :)

One more round of chemo and I am halfway done!!! I truly feel blessed to not be experiencing a lot of side effects that others experience. I just keep thinking that there must be so many people praying for me and God is hearing all of your prayers!!!! Thanks again for all of your kind words and prayers. Much love to you all!!!

So, I'm sorry that it has been a little while since I blogged last....this summer is just flying by!! Here are a few pictures from our recent trip to the zoo.

I had a treatment again last week Wednesday, and I've felt pretty good. I haven't had any severe bone pain like the last time, which is an answer to prayer. I felt great the day of chemo, so I decided that it's time for me to start exercising again. Well, the mosquitoes are so bad here that I can't walk without getting attacked, so I decided to hop on my bike. Well, I lasted only 3 miles and came back home. My muscles are so weak!!! Yikes! I didn't sleep hardly at all that night and still felt pretty good on Thursday so I decided to go to a yoga class. It felt soooo great to stretch and attempt to strengthen, but man, once again, I am so weak!!! Friday came around and I felt pretty tired and achy - probably a combination of being sore from yoga and the chemo/Neulasta side effects. I took a long nap on Friday and felt much better.

All weekend I have kind of been waiting for that horrible pain to come back, but it hasn't yet, so I think I'm in the clear!! Yay! Today has been such a gorgeous day outside and I've felt really good today. I took a small walk this morning with my boys and hopefully we can get out again tonight after dinner for another one.

This week we have friends from out of town coming to visit, which I have been looking forward to all summer! It looks like it is supposed to be gorgeous outside all week, so it should be a great week. (it would be great even if it rained everyday!!)

Thanks again for all of your kind words and prayers - much love to you all!!

Hey everyone - well, first of all, Mike and I had a great time at Wicked on Saturday night (thanks so much to Margaret for watching our kiddos!!!). I felt well that day and we really enjoyed the show. :)

Sunday we had a great day - we went to church and then went to some friend's house for lunch and had a great time. On Monday morning, I woke up feeling some increased pain in my back by my epidural site, but I tried to ignore it and we decided to go to Grandma Mary's pool (our "adopted" Wisconsin Grandma). ;) While we were there, my pain kept getting worse, until I could hardly stand it anymore - it was really weird pain - throbbing deep in my back that would shoot up to the back of my neck at the base of my skull. So we left for home after lunchtime and I thought I was going to lose it - I have never had pain that bad in my life. I would have rather been in labor with 10 more children than to go through that again. I started freaking out a little bit, thinking I could have an infection (my WBCs are so low, that's it is totally possible), meningitis, or a leak in my spinal fluid from being poked 4 times for my epidural. I was in too much pain to call the Dr., so Mike called Dr. Lee (OB) and he said to come right in. Well, thanks again to Margaret and Rachel, they came over to watch the kiddos last minute and we went in to see Dr. Lee. He assessed me and didn't really know what to say. He talked to the anesthesiologist and my oncologist, and they all are pretty sure that this is from my Neulasta shot that I got last week Thursday. (to increase WBC's to fight infection) That was a relief to me, but I was still in so much pain - so I had to start taking my pain pills again. Ughh. So, by Tuesday the pain started getting a little bit better and Wednesday I would only have short periods of pain. Thank God!!! Hopefully these symptoms don't come every time I get the shot, which will be the day after each chemo treatment.

Today, I was feeling much better, so we went to the zoo this morning with the whole family. I will try to post some pictures on here eventually.

My hair is for sure starting to fall out, but it is still pretty thick. It's coming out a lot slower than I expected, which is kind of torturous, but at least I can keep my hair for a little longer. I have mixed emotions about that - sometimes, I don't really care and am looking forward to wearing my new pink scarf that I ordered (thanks Bridget!), and other times I get really depressed about being bald. I guess this is to be expected....

Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers...much love, Kara