Clots, Clots and more clots....

So....things have been a little crazy over here lately. Last week my neck was hurting a lot right above my port, and I asked the radiation nurse about it and she thought maybe it was just muscular, like a stiff neck. Ok, so I thought I would give it more time, even though my port wasn't drawing my blood as well as it had been. Well, it kept getting worse. By Saturday morning, it was swollen, really painful and warm to the touch. I called the oncologists, medical and radiation, but of course, my doctors weren't on over the weekend. The 2 doctors I did talk to blew me off like it was no big deal. FRUSTRATING. So, I ended up going to the ER on Sunday morning, totally self-diagnosing myself with a clot in my jugular vein. Sure enough, after an ultrasound, there is a clot. BUT, they can't just take my port out because they don't want the clot to disslodge and go into my lung, which would be a major problem. So, the prescribed Lovenox shots for me to give to myself in my belly. Yippee. Well, things got worse this morning...I hardly slept last night because it hurt so bad, even after 2 pain pills. So, after radiation this morning, I called my medical oncologist (he's the one running the show on this) and he said that we need to take the port out soon, either today or tomorrow. So, I basically freaked out not knowing what to do with my kids and how to figure all of this out. (Things would have been a little bit easier if I hadn't lost my cell phone on monday....grr.) So, the surgeon called me and he wants to wait to take it out until Friday morning, since I have been on blood thinners, and they don't really want me bleeding a ton when they cut me open and take out the port. I was hoping we could take it out sooner because of the amount of pain this stupid thing is causing me. I am having trouble swallowing at times and can't really take care of the kids very well because I can't move my neck very well. I ended up having a CT this afternoon to make sure the swelling wasn't going to occlude my airway and to see if there was another mass growing, and the CT was fine in that regards. So, thankfully, the kids will be at a sitter tomorrow and I will have this thing taken out Friday morning. My radiation is on hold until Monday - I only have 3 more left, so now I'll be done on Wednesday. I am sooooo looking forward to being done with all of this! So, that's that. Just another bump in the road. God keeps poking me, testing me over and over again, and I can only get stronger because of it, right??

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So, I chatted with the Dr. today for a little while and I was misinformed at the beginning of treatments...I thought I would have 17 total treatments, but instead, I will be having 20. So, instead of being done on the 26th, I'll be done on the 31st. He is going to use the last 3 treatments as "boost" radiation, more localized to the area of my original mass. I was/am a little disappointed, but at this point, what's 3 more days? Really, it's nothing compared to 6 months of chemo and throwing a baby in there too... :)

I'm starting to feel some side effects from the radiation - my skin is a little pink on my chest, but my main side effect is pain with swallowing. I'm prone to some acid reflux to begin with, and this feels like constant reflux/heartburn. I'm having troubles swallowing meat (that I have to chew...we had meatloaf tonight and that was fine) and bread. The Dr. wants to give me some nasty stuff to drink to ease the pain, so we will see. Right now, I feel like I can live with it and I don't mind eating oatmeal, cottage cheese and soup a lot, but if it gets any worse, I guess I will have to succumb to taking more medication.

Dr. Blacher and all of the nurses keep asking if I'm feeling fatigued, but really, how do I know if it's from the treatments, being back at work, or just trying to be a wife and mom?? So, yep, I'm fatigued, but I don't have a clue if it's from the radiation. BUT, I'm nowhere near as fatigued as I was during chemo. :)

Well, I don't have a whole lot else to say...my kids are getting too big too fast.... Hannah turns 5 next month, and Collin is just hilarious. I wish he could stay this age forever. Micah is sitting up by himself and is starting to army crawl around...pretty soon my baby will no longer be a baby! Basketball season is almost done for Mike (he coaches), which I am excited about. :)

Well, I guess I should go to bed...thanks for reading all of my ramblings and for all of your prayers!

Getting there...

Well, we are getting there...almost done. Radiation is going well so far - I haven't noticed any side effects at all yet, except that my skin on my chest and back is a little bit pinker than usual. I have more energy now than I have had in the last 7 months, but am still tired. I'm sure that part of it is being back at work and having 3 small children, so it's hard to know if any of it is from the radiation. My mornings are kind of crazy - I want to get all the kids dressed, fed, and the house picked up before the babysitter comes at 8 so I can make it to radiation by 8:30 (plus, I have to be showered and dressed and fed). So by the time I get home again, I am already sick of running around. Oh well, only 9 more days of this! I'm soo soo grateful to all of the ladies that are coming to watch my kids every morning....it is so helpful instead of bringing them somewhere....I would have to be up at 5 instead of 6!

Thanks for all of your prayers about going back to work...it has been going well and last weekend I took more of a normal assignment of patients and it went just fine. I had been worrying about nothing....it all came back to me the minute I walked back into the hospital. My coworkers are fabulous and I am grateful to have a job that I love. Physically, it was a little challenging as my body is not used to being up all night anymore or being on my feet for 12 hours, so after working this last Saturday night I was a little sore. But, that will get better soon too.

So on Monday I celebrated my 30th birthday...crazy how fast life flies by. Mike surprised (or tried to surprise) :) me with a large group of people at a restaurant called Firefly. It was a lot of fun and it was very thoughtful of Mike to plan it for me. I have been so blessed with a loving husband and awesome friends.

Something I have been challenging myself with lately is cherishing every moment of every day and living life to the fullest. I feel like this is how God would want us to live the life that He has blessed us with. Steven Curtis Chapman sang at a woman's retreat I went to last year, and his wife wrote a book about losing their daughter. In it, she talks about how looking back, she would have spent less time cleaning and stressing out about that stuff, and more time coloring, hugging, reading etc. (my friend Shelly actually read this at MOPS on Tuesday, and I have been thinking about this ever since that retreat! It's crazy how God works sometimes!) So, my challenge to myself is to not worry about non-important things throughout my day...things will eventually get done. But instead, I'm trying to spend more time coloring with Hannah, reading books with Collin, and rolling around on the floor with Micah etc. Because in the end, when I'm spending eternity with Jesus, I'm not going to wish I had finished all of the laundry/dishes everday. Easy to say, but difficult to do in our humanity and sin.

So, as I finish radiation and look forward to moving on with my life cancer free, I challenge all of you who are reading this to make the effort to see the blessings in your life everyday - the kingdom of God here on earth. Not just the big blessings, but the little ones too- children's giggles, the smell of coffee, a warm blanket on a cold snowy day, the taste of chocolate. (that's a big blessing for me... :)

Much love to you all!

quick update

Hey all - So I just wanted to give you a quick update before the big stuff starts happening again! First of all, we had a wonderful Christmas with family and friends. We hope that all of you enjoyed celebrating Jesus' birthday with us!

I am feeling pretty much back to normal! I had a cold over Christmas, but now that that is clearing up, I feel like I have my energy back (almost completely). :) So, I decided to go back to work starting this Saturday, which is the 1st of the year. I figured I might as well get a shift in before I start radiation, which is Monday the 3rd. Monday will be a trial run and then Tuesday will be the actual radiation. I'm excited to start this and be done with it all!

So just a few requests for prayer: 1)that my "nurse brain" comes back when I go back to work on Saturday...I have been off since mid-June and I worry that I have forgotten everything!
2) that I don't get too pooped working all night on Saturday so that I have energy to take care of the kids again on Monday and 3) that radiation will go well with minimal side effects.

Thanks again for following my blog and for praying for me and my family....we all appreciate it! :)

An early Christmas present...

Well, my first Christmas present is that Collin is trying to potty train himself, which is a lot of work, but will be wonderful to only have 1 child in diapers!!!!

But on to the better Christmas present....my PET scan was 100% cancer free!!!! It showed no activity anywhere, so that is the best news I could get. It still showed a decent sized mass under my sternum, but that will be there with me forever...it's just scar tissue. Thanks to the PET scan, they now know that it is dead tissue - non-cancerous! We truly serve an awesome God!

So, my radiation starts after the new year. I had my tattoos and molding done on Wednesday with my PET scan....that was an interesting day. The worst part by far was this cage they built for my head. They put this wet, flexible plastic thing over my face and snap it into place on this brace behind my head. This wet thing then dries, and makes a mold of my face that I have to wear during radiation so that i don't move my head/neck at all. It's not so bad for a few minutes, but I had to wear that thing for a long time during my CT/PET scan....I started to get claustrophobic, but I couldn't move at all b/c they were doing the scan. Oh well - at least its over now. Plus, they neglected to tell me that I would be radioactive for 6 hours after my scan....so while I'm there, they are like..."Now, you can't be by any pregnant women or infants for the rest of the day." Hmmm...how am I supposed to go home and take care of Micah?? Thankfully, the babysitter that was here watching all of them took him home with her for the afternoon. I wouldn't have even been able to hold him or feed him!!! I guess I had heard (from Laura's blog) that you shouldn't be by kids, but I didn't know what the extent of it was and they hadn't said anything to me prior to the test, so I didn't really think about it too much. Anyways, thanks to Rachel for taking Micah so that he didn't get zapped! :)

Well, now that I have the results of my scan, I feel like I can take a deep breath again. I was so nervous and anxious that my scan would show cancer everywhere...brain, spine, bone. Irrational, I know, especially after having 6 months of chemo. But your brain starts doing crazy things when you have been told that you have cancer. I'm starting to get some of my energy back....I don't wake up every morning exhausted anymore. It helps that Micah is starting to sleep a little bit better at night, too. So, we will see what my energy is like during radiation and especially when I go back to work in January.

I hope and pray that all of you that read this will have a wonderful Christmas. I know I sure will. Much love to you!!

Mountains

What's the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?? Is it your morning coffee? Is it grumbling because your kids got up too early? Or is it praise to our Maker for giving another day of Life to serve Him? I wish I could say that was the first thing I think of lately....lately, I wake up wondering what mountains God is going to give me to climb that day. It seems like sometimes God gives us mountains - Mt. Everest type mountains - not just the rolling hills of the Smokies- to climb. In my humanity, I wish God would just move those mountains so that I don't have to climb them myself. But really, I'm not climbing them myself, am I?? Isaiah 7:14 says "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and you will call him Immanuel, God with us." God with us - God is climbing with us. What a great encouragement on days where our mountains seem impossible to climb. We are not alone. God loves us so much that he sent his Son to become human, to experience what it's like to suffer, so that we wouldn't have to do it alone. Wow, what a gift.

I've had a trying couple of days...I've been having a lot of anxiety about different things lately, and then yesterday spent the day at Children's Hospital with Micah because he fell out of his Bumbo seat off of the kitchen counter. Everything is fine, thankfully. This morning I woke up and was thankful that today could only be better. So, in these days of stress and anxiety, whether that is from the holidays, illness, loneliness, financial concerns - whatever - let's try to focus on God's gift to us. When we do this, it changes our perspective and helps us see how many gifts and blessings we have in our life. Our mountains just don't seem that big anymore, do they??

CHEMO IS FINISHED!!!!!

I am officially done with chemo!!!!! I'm sorry I didn't blog about this sooner....still crawling out of my hole from Wednesday's chemo. I felt better with this last round...still not great, but not nearly as bad as the last couple of treatments had been. I am so grateful for that!

So, I have my PET scan scheduled for Dec. 15th, and an appointment with Dr. Anderson on the 17th to go over the results. Most likely I will have an appointment with Dr. Blacher (radiation oncologist) before Christmas to get my mold and tattoos done, so that radiation can start on Jan. 3. A few people have told me to get a tattoo once all of this is said and done....no need! I'll have a bunch on my chest to remind me forever! :)

I am so excited to be over and done with all of this...to have my hair back (it's growing back already....I have about 1/2" over my head!), to have my energy back, to feel like a 'normal' mom again, and to exercise again (crazy, I know). Mike and I are dreaming up a vacation to celebrate......we'll see if it actually happens!

Have a great weekend everyone! :)