overdue update

Hey! So, it's been a while! I have been trying to be a 'normal' mom/wife again, but man, I'm still tired!! I started a boot-camp class to try to start losing some of this baby weight that is still hanging around on my belly and thighs, and this class is at 530 am, so that probably isn't helping my fatigue. Plus, I'm back to working 2-12 hour night shifts every weekend, so I'm tired from that too. It's great to be back at work....doing what I love, and making some money helps too. :)

I had an Ultrasound of the blood vessels in my neck/chest last Thursday, and that afternoon, Dr. Anderson called me to tell me that the blood clot is still there in my internal jugular vein, but the clots in my subclavian are totally dissolved. So, bad news: I have to continue Lovenox shots for 4-6 more months. Boo. He said that I could switch to Coumadin (a pill), but that is so hard to control the levels (blood draws constantly) and certain foods and medications interact with Coumadin, so I chose to stay on the Lovenox. Not the end of the world, but I was hoping that my stomach could have a break from looking like one big bruise.

Other than the fatigue still hanging around and shooting my belly everyday, I feel like I am starting to get back to normal, sort of. I still have weird pangs of pain in my chest, especially with deep breaths, but i have a feeling that I will have that forever due to the scar tissue that is and will always be hanging out in there. My eyelashes and eyebrows are growing back in, and I actually had my hair cut and highlighted on last Monday. I really like my new hair, and get a lot of compliments on how it 'shapes my face' and how 'sassy' it is. :) I really like being called 'sassy' because i don't really feel like I am a sassy girl!! :)

Emotionally, I feel like I am starting to feel the anxiety that I never felt when I was going through all of the treatments/tests etc. Now, I don't know if it is some postpartum anxiety coming on again (I had problems with this after having Collin, and it was around the 7 month mark then too) or a combination of cancer and postpartum together. The anxiety comes in many forms for me - anxiety about the cancer coming back, about getting other cancers, about other family members and their health, about being a good mom and wife, about little things like housework and being unorganized. I have a hard time letting go of this and giving up to God. At times I get so overwhelmed, that all I can do is take a few deep breaths and just pray that God gets me through.

So, my prayer requests are this: for my anxiety and that I can trust wholly and completely in God's plan for my life, and that I have the energy and motivation to be the wife and mom that my family needs.

2) prayers of praise for my friend in Ohio, Laura, who has been going through these treatments with me and just got the "all clear" from her Dr. Love you Laura!!!

3) prayers for a girl in DC who is in the same boat that I was- 33 weeks pregnant and diagnosed with Lymphoma. Prayers for wisdom for the dr's and the decisions of when to deliver the baby and start her treatments etc.

Have a great week, everyone. I thank you all for reading this and praying for me. :)

all done!

I can't put into words how amazing it feels to say that I am all done with cancer treatments!!!! Radiation finished on Thursday, so now I just have to get rid of the Lovenox shots in my belly and I will feel like a 'normal' person again! The only lingering effects are fatigue (this might take a while to get rid of), a rash on my chest from the radiation, and still a little pain with swallowing. I meet with Dr.Anderson tomorrow to see how long he wants me to take these blood thinning shots, and if he wants me to be on a blood-thinner long-term, like Coumadin. I would rather not have to be on Coumadin, but I really don't want to have any more clots, so we will see what he says.

Being back to work has been interesting....I had been doing ok up until this weekend. I had to float to another floor, where I was running all night and truly felt my fatigue when I tried to wake up on Saturday. Normally, after working a 12 hour Friday night shift, I would sleep until 1230ish and get up on Saturday. Ha! I tried that and felt like I had been run over by a truck. I think that it might take a while for me to be able to bounce back again. So, I went back to bed and wasn't a very energetic date to Mike when we went to the Bucks game that night. :( Hopefully, as my energy comes back, it will be easier to recover from working the weekend. I have only been doing 12 hours a weekend since January, so I think I might try going back to my normal 24 hour weekend this coming weekend.

Well, I don't feel like I have anything profound to say today....I hope you are all having a great day today. Thanks again for all of your prayers. :)

I have a flat chest again...haha...not really, but PORT FREE!!!!!

So, my port came out today without any complications. No problems with the clot (that is still there, but already getting smaller!) or no signs of infection, just inflammation. I can't take my dressing off for 3 days, but my neck already feels better without that weird cord running up my jugular vein. My pain in my neck is already drastically improved, just a little sore still from them opening me up again.

Thanks to all who watched my kids last minute this week (Paige and Twyla and Heidi for giving Paige formula!) and for all of your thoughts and prayers. Only 3 more days of radiation and we are DONE!!!!! :)

Clots, Clots and more clots....

So....things have been a little crazy over here lately. Last week my neck was hurting a lot right above my port, and I asked the radiation nurse about it and she thought maybe it was just muscular, like a stiff neck. Ok, so I thought I would give it more time, even though my port wasn't drawing my blood as well as it had been. Well, it kept getting worse. By Saturday morning, it was swollen, really painful and warm to the touch. I called the oncologists, medical and radiation, but of course, my doctors weren't on over the weekend. The 2 doctors I did talk to blew me off like it was no big deal. FRUSTRATING. So, I ended up going to the ER on Sunday morning, totally self-diagnosing myself with a clot in my jugular vein. Sure enough, after an ultrasound, there is a clot. BUT, they can't just take my port out because they don't want the clot to disslodge and go into my lung, which would be a major problem. So, the prescribed Lovenox shots for me to give to myself in my belly. Yippee. Well, things got worse this morning...I hardly slept last night because it hurt so bad, even after 2 pain pills. So, after radiation this morning, I called my medical oncologist (he's the one running the show on this) and he said that we need to take the port out soon, either today or tomorrow. So, I basically freaked out not knowing what to do with my kids and how to figure all of this out. (Things would have been a little bit easier if I hadn't lost my cell phone on monday....grr.) So, the surgeon called me and he wants to wait to take it out until Friday morning, since I have been on blood thinners, and they don't really want me bleeding a ton when they cut me open and take out the port. I was hoping we could take it out sooner because of the amount of pain this stupid thing is causing me. I am having trouble swallowing at times and can't really take care of the kids very well because I can't move my neck very well. I ended up having a CT this afternoon to make sure the swelling wasn't going to occlude my airway and to see if there was another mass growing, and the CT was fine in that regards. So, thankfully, the kids will be at a sitter tomorrow and I will have this thing taken out Friday morning. My radiation is on hold until Monday - I only have 3 more left, so now I'll be done on Wednesday. I am sooooo looking forward to being done with all of this! So, that's that. Just another bump in the road. God keeps poking me, testing me over and over again, and I can only get stronger because of it, right??

,

So, I chatted with the Dr. today for a little while and I was misinformed at the beginning of treatments...I thought I would have 17 total treatments, but instead, I will be having 20. So, instead of being done on the 26th, I'll be done on the 31st. He is going to use the last 3 treatments as "boost" radiation, more localized to the area of my original mass. I was/am a little disappointed, but at this point, what's 3 more days? Really, it's nothing compared to 6 months of chemo and throwing a baby in there too... :)

I'm starting to feel some side effects from the radiation - my skin is a little pink on my chest, but my main side effect is pain with swallowing. I'm prone to some acid reflux to begin with, and this feels like constant reflux/heartburn. I'm having troubles swallowing meat (that I have to chew...we had meatloaf tonight and that was fine) and bread. The Dr. wants to give me some nasty stuff to drink to ease the pain, so we will see. Right now, I feel like I can live with it and I don't mind eating oatmeal, cottage cheese and soup a lot, but if it gets any worse, I guess I will have to succumb to taking more medication.

Dr. Blacher and all of the nurses keep asking if I'm feeling fatigued, but really, how do I know if it's from the treatments, being back at work, or just trying to be a wife and mom?? So, yep, I'm fatigued, but I don't have a clue if it's from the radiation. BUT, I'm nowhere near as fatigued as I was during chemo. :)

Well, I don't have a whole lot else to say...my kids are getting too big too fast.... Hannah turns 5 next month, and Collin is just hilarious. I wish he could stay this age forever. Micah is sitting up by himself and is starting to army crawl around...pretty soon my baby will no longer be a baby! Basketball season is almost done for Mike (he coaches), which I am excited about. :)

Well, I guess I should go to bed...thanks for reading all of my ramblings and for all of your prayers!

Getting there...

Well, we are getting there...almost done. Radiation is going well so far - I haven't noticed any side effects at all yet, except that my skin on my chest and back is a little bit pinker than usual. I have more energy now than I have had in the last 7 months, but am still tired. I'm sure that part of it is being back at work and having 3 small children, so it's hard to know if any of it is from the radiation. My mornings are kind of crazy - I want to get all the kids dressed, fed, and the house picked up before the babysitter comes at 8 so I can make it to radiation by 8:30 (plus, I have to be showered and dressed and fed). So by the time I get home again, I am already sick of running around. Oh well, only 9 more days of this! I'm soo soo grateful to all of the ladies that are coming to watch my kids every morning....it is so helpful instead of bringing them somewhere....I would have to be up at 5 instead of 6!

Thanks for all of your prayers about going back to work...it has been going well and last weekend I took more of a normal assignment of patients and it went just fine. I had been worrying about nothing....it all came back to me the minute I walked back into the hospital. My coworkers are fabulous and I am grateful to have a job that I love. Physically, it was a little challenging as my body is not used to being up all night anymore or being on my feet for 12 hours, so after working this last Saturday night I was a little sore. But, that will get better soon too.

So on Monday I celebrated my 30th birthday...crazy how fast life flies by. Mike surprised (or tried to surprise) :) me with a large group of people at a restaurant called Firefly. It was a lot of fun and it was very thoughtful of Mike to plan it for me. I have been so blessed with a loving husband and awesome friends.

Something I have been challenging myself with lately is cherishing every moment of every day and living life to the fullest. I feel like this is how God would want us to live the life that He has blessed us with. Steven Curtis Chapman sang at a woman's retreat I went to last year, and his wife wrote a book about losing their daughter. In it, she talks about how looking back, she would have spent less time cleaning and stressing out about that stuff, and more time coloring, hugging, reading etc. (my friend Shelly actually read this at MOPS on Tuesday, and I have been thinking about this ever since that retreat! It's crazy how God works sometimes!) So, my challenge to myself is to not worry about non-important things throughout my day...things will eventually get done. But instead, I'm trying to spend more time coloring with Hannah, reading books with Collin, and rolling around on the floor with Micah etc. Because in the end, when I'm spending eternity with Jesus, I'm not going to wish I had finished all of the laundry/dishes everday. Easy to say, but difficult to do in our humanity and sin.

So, as I finish radiation and look forward to moving on with my life cancer free, I challenge all of you who are reading this to make the effort to see the blessings in your life everyday - the kingdom of God here on earth. Not just the big blessings, but the little ones too- children's giggles, the smell of coffee, a warm blanket on a cold snowy day, the taste of chocolate. (that's a big blessing for me... :)

Much love to you all!

quick update

Hey all - So I just wanted to give you a quick update before the big stuff starts happening again! First of all, we had a wonderful Christmas with family and friends. We hope that all of you enjoyed celebrating Jesus' birthday with us!

I am feeling pretty much back to normal! I had a cold over Christmas, but now that that is clearing up, I feel like I have my energy back (almost completely). :) So, I decided to go back to work starting this Saturday, which is the 1st of the year. I figured I might as well get a shift in before I start radiation, which is Monday the 3rd. Monday will be a trial run and then Tuesday will be the actual radiation. I'm excited to start this and be done with it all!

So just a few requests for prayer: 1)that my "nurse brain" comes back when I go back to work on Saturday...I have been off since mid-June and I worry that I have forgotten everything!
2) that I don't get too pooped working all night on Saturday so that I have energy to take care of the kids again on Monday and 3) that radiation will go well with minimal side effects.

Thanks again for following my blog and for praying for me and my family....we all appreciate it! :)

An early Christmas present...

Well, my first Christmas present is that Collin is trying to potty train himself, which is a lot of work, but will be wonderful to only have 1 child in diapers!!!!

But on to the better Christmas present....my PET scan was 100% cancer free!!!! It showed no activity anywhere, so that is the best news I could get. It still showed a decent sized mass under my sternum, but that will be there with me forever...it's just scar tissue. Thanks to the PET scan, they now know that it is dead tissue - non-cancerous! We truly serve an awesome God!

So, my radiation starts after the new year. I had my tattoos and molding done on Wednesday with my PET scan....that was an interesting day. The worst part by far was this cage they built for my head. They put this wet, flexible plastic thing over my face and snap it into place on this brace behind my head. This wet thing then dries, and makes a mold of my face that I have to wear during radiation so that i don't move my head/neck at all. It's not so bad for a few minutes, but I had to wear that thing for a long time during my CT/PET scan....I started to get claustrophobic, but I couldn't move at all b/c they were doing the scan. Oh well - at least its over now. Plus, they neglected to tell me that I would be radioactive for 6 hours after my scan....so while I'm there, they are like..."Now, you can't be by any pregnant women or infants for the rest of the day." Hmmm...how am I supposed to go home and take care of Micah?? Thankfully, the babysitter that was here watching all of them took him home with her for the afternoon. I wouldn't have even been able to hold him or feed him!!! I guess I had heard (from Laura's blog) that you shouldn't be by kids, but I didn't know what the extent of it was and they hadn't said anything to me prior to the test, so I didn't really think about it too much. Anyways, thanks to Rachel for taking Micah so that he didn't get zapped! :)

Well, now that I have the results of my scan, I feel like I can take a deep breath again. I was so nervous and anxious that my scan would show cancer everywhere...brain, spine, bone. Irrational, I know, especially after having 6 months of chemo. But your brain starts doing crazy things when you have been told that you have cancer. I'm starting to get some of my energy back....I don't wake up every morning exhausted anymore. It helps that Micah is starting to sleep a little bit better at night, too. So, we will see what my energy is like during radiation and especially when I go back to work in January.

I hope and pray that all of you that read this will have a wonderful Christmas. I know I sure will. Much love to you!!

Mountains

What's the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?? Is it your morning coffee? Is it grumbling because your kids got up too early? Or is it praise to our Maker for giving another day of Life to serve Him? I wish I could say that was the first thing I think of lately....lately, I wake up wondering what mountains God is going to give me to climb that day. It seems like sometimes God gives us mountains - Mt. Everest type mountains - not just the rolling hills of the Smokies- to climb. In my humanity, I wish God would just move those mountains so that I don't have to climb them myself. But really, I'm not climbing them myself, am I?? Isaiah 7:14 says "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and you will call him Immanuel, God with us." God with us - God is climbing with us. What a great encouragement on days where our mountains seem impossible to climb. We are not alone. God loves us so much that he sent his Son to become human, to experience what it's like to suffer, so that we wouldn't have to do it alone. Wow, what a gift.

I've had a trying couple of days...I've been having a lot of anxiety about different things lately, and then yesterday spent the day at Children's Hospital with Micah because he fell out of his Bumbo seat off of the kitchen counter. Everything is fine, thankfully. This morning I woke up and was thankful that today could only be better. So, in these days of stress and anxiety, whether that is from the holidays, illness, loneliness, financial concerns - whatever - let's try to focus on God's gift to us. When we do this, it changes our perspective and helps us see how many gifts and blessings we have in our life. Our mountains just don't seem that big anymore, do they??

CHEMO IS FINISHED!!!!!

I am officially done with chemo!!!!! I'm sorry I didn't blog about this sooner....still crawling out of my hole from Wednesday's chemo. I felt better with this last round...still not great, but not nearly as bad as the last couple of treatments had been. I am so grateful for that!

So, I have my PET scan scheduled for Dec. 15th, and an appointment with Dr. Anderson on the 17th to go over the results. Most likely I will have an appointment with Dr. Blacher (radiation oncologist) before Christmas to get my mold and tattoos done, so that radiation can start on Jan. 3. A few people have told me to get a tattoo once all of this is said and done....no need! I'll have a bunch on my chest to remind me forever! :)

I am so excited to be over and done with all of this...to have my hair back (it's growing back already....I have about 1/2" over my head!), to have my energy back, to feel like a 'normal' mom again, and to exercise again (crazy, I know). Mike and I are dreaming up a vacation to celebrate......we'll see if it actually happens!

Have a great weekend everyone! :)

Good News!!

So, yay for Chemo #11 being done....only 1 more to go!!!!!!! I'm so excited, I don't really care how I feel right now! (it helps that my in-laws are here so I am fully rested for the first time in a long long time!!!!)

The pulmonary function test that I had on Monday looked absolutely normal, so Dr. Anderson continued to give me the Bleomycin...he said I was most likely feeling a little short of breath because I was a little anemic and the fatigue has really set in, plus anxiety. So, he gave me some anxiety drugs to take....I don't know how I feel about this, but if they help me sleep, then I'm all for it!! :) The anemia is also a good excuse to eat up more beef (it's crazy how your body craves what you need...I've totally been wanting beef lately, and I usually don't like to eat it all that much!!).

I met with the radiation oncologist today - Dr. Blacher. he was wonderful and said that depending on my PET scan, which is scheduled for Dec. 15, I will most likely start radiation on Jan. 3 and have 17-20 treatments, which is 3 1/2 to 4 weeks of 5/day and week radiation. He said that the side effects from radiation will be a piece of cake compared to chemo, and most patients start to feel better during radiation! Yay!

Can you tell I'm a little excited to be done with all of this?? I'm really really looking forward to having some energy back...even though they all keep warning me that it doesn't happen overnight! Thanks again for all of your prayers....I really really appreciate it!

more tests....

Hey all - just a quick update. Thanks for all of your kind words and prayers....I have been feeling less anxious and depressed lately, so your prayers are working!

I have to go in first thing tomorrow morning (Monday) for another pulmonary function test (this measures how well my lungs are working). I have been having pain in my chest for about a month now. It had been intermittent, but now it is becoming more constant. It feels like I am running outside in the cold air all of the time....weird. It started to bother me more last week so I called the Dr. and he wants to make sure my "PFT's" haven't gotten worse. If they have, he most likely won't give me the Bleomycin for my last 2 chemo treatments as this drug causes pulmonary fibrosis (thickening/hardening of the lung tissue that causes pain, shortness of breath etc.). I would really appreciate not having to be diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis as a lot of times, this becomes something you fight for the rest of your life...it usually isn't reversible.

So, if you think about it, just send out a quick prayer for me tomorrow morning...Thanks!!

In need of prayer...

Hey all - So, I'm now officially dreading my last 2 chemo treatments. I can't say that I ever dreaded the last 10, but I am really really not looking forward to the last 2. This last treatment totally threw me under the rug....I guess the thing the bothered me the most was admitting that I can't do it all myself anymore. I can't function with the horrible body aches and migraines that start after my Neulasta shot unless I take a pain pill, which then I can't safely take care of my kids. Frustrating. Today in our Coffeebreak group we were studying the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, and the Pharisee was too proud to admit his own sin. Well, I guess I was/am too proud to admit that I need help and can't be the mom/wife/friend that I want to be, even when I know that people want to help and would be blessed in doing so. So, that is the first request for prayer tonight....that I would accept help without feeling guilty, and that the pain would not be as bad after these last 2 treatments.

The second request for prayer is for my anxiety and fear. I can honestly say that up until now, I have not been fearful or anxious about anything (in relation to having cancer). But all of a sudden in these past few weeks, my emotions are all over the place and I start thinking about the 'what ifs.' Like, "what if the tumor doesn't go away or starts to grow back, or what if the PET scan shows cancer all over the place?" Then of course it snowballs into much worse things... So, please just pray that the anxiety and fear would be lifted from my shoulders, and that the chemo does its job so that those worries don't become reality.

The third and last request for prayer is just for my strength and energy. I like to think that I try to stay active and healthy, but I have really noticed that my strength and energy level is not what it was. I have not been able to exercise like I would want to, and so my body just doesn't feel as strong. I can't even open a bottle of apple juice for the kids!! Hopefully once this is all done, I can resume a more active lifestyle again and my strength will come back.

Well, I'm sorry that this is sort of a depressing plea for prayer....I'm sending up prayers of praise for a new friend of mine who just finished her chemo for Hodgkins...we were diagnosed at the same time. My tumor was bigger than hers, so I require more chemo. Congrats, Laura!!!

Love from Wisconsin, Kara

the countdown has begun...

Hey all - wow, it's been a while since I posted last!! A lot has happened since then! Well, I had rounds #8 and 9 of chemo...round #8 threw me for a loop and really sent me to bed for a few days. I am grateful that it has taken this long for it to catch up to me, but man, when it did, it was not fun! I still didn't get nauseous or anything, just really really fatigued and achy. Round #8 gave me a migraine, which I have never really had before. I tried to be tough and go out for dinner with a bunch of our friends that night (we had a sitter lined up and I was sooo looking forward to it!), but I ended up not feeling very well at dinner and almost passed out! Yikes...not fun. So, I was pretty nervous going into round #9, which was last week. Mike was going to be gone for teachers convention, so I knew I was going to need more help. Mike's mom came and stayed for the week, which was such a blessing...she was able to take care of the kids while I slept the days away. Even today, which is Tuesday, 6 days after my last treatment, I'm still achy and have a headache...I guess this is to be expected that the fatigue will build up over time.

So, I only have 3 more treatments of chemo to go, then radiation, and then I'm done!! Yay! I'm starting to get anxious about a few things, so these are things that I need prayer for: First, I'm nervous about when I have to go back to work, and how that will go after being off for 6 months...back to nights and juggling work/children/house etc. Secondly, I'm anxious about how radiation is going to go...there is a lot of things not finalized yet because I haven't met with the radiation oncologist yet, but I"m thinking I will have radiation for 4 weeks, 5 days a week of my neck and chest starting in January. This is supposed to cause more fatigue, and because of the area of radiation, puts me at a greater risk for breast cancer in the future...great. So, I get to start having mammograms at the age of 30. Also, the radiation can cause a lot of burning of the esophagus and skin on the chest, so let's hope and pray that doesn't happen. And lastly, I'm still battling with doubt over being fully healed after all of this...every pain in my chest is starting to make me freak out to the point where I feel like I'm having a panic attack....crazy how your brain can mess with you!!!

Anyways, sorry to vent a little, but I would appreciate more prayers as we are in the home stretch. Thanks!!! :)

The pictures are from Monday when I went to the zoo - our zoo here in Milwaukee is absolutely gorgeous in the fall. Have a great week!

Quote

So I was reading the newsletter from Mike's old high school today, and the principal (who also happens to be the dad of one of our friends) was just diagnosed with CLL (lymphoma of a different kind than mine). He had this quote from Henry Blackaby in his newletter and I thought I would share it with you all - it really hits home.

"I have come to the place in my life that, if the assignment I sense God is giving me is something that I know I can handle, I know it probably is not from God.
The kind of assignments God gives in the Bible are always God-sized. They are always beyond what people can do, because He wants to demonstrate His nature, His strength, His provision and His kindness to His people and to a watching world. This is the only way the world will come to know Him."

I hope and pray that all of you can see that my strength, my hope and all of the provisions in my life are from God and God alone - none of it is my own doing. Have a great weekend everyone!

BIG NEWS!!!!

Hey all!!! So, we were having some internet problems, so sorry for the delay in updates!!!!! I have lots of things to report!

First, I ended up shaving my head after the halfway chemo treatment - it was getting so thin and there was hair all over this house, I just couldn't stand it anymore. I wasn't able to wear it without a hat, so I figured now that it's cool outside, to just shave it off and start sporting my awesome wig!! It was a sad night - I cried as Mike shaved it off, but I'm getting used to it. It's crazy to walk through the house and see myself in the mirror - it still catches me off-guard! What I have realized, though, is how warm your hair keeps your head....I have to wear a beanie to bed!! :)

Secondly, I have some great news! I had a CT scan 2 weeks ago of my chest and abdomen. I was pretty nervous and anxious about it since I had never had one of my abdomen (due to pregnancy) so I had no idea if I had any tumors there. Well, I have no tumors in my belly and the tumor in my chest has reduced in size by 90%!!!!!!! This is crazy! AND, Dr. Anderson doesn't even know if that is actual tumor left, or if it's scar tissue. the only way we will find that out is when I have my PET scan at the end of treatment! (The kind of Hodgkins that I have is called 'nodular sclerosing Hodgkins lymphoma' and it always leaves scar tissue where the tumor was....this is not a bad thing - the scar tissue does no harm and doesn't ever have to be removed.) So, needless to say, I was very happy after I talked to Dr. Anderson and he was too! :)

Lastly, we had a great weekend last weekend - we walked the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure in downtown Milwaukee (5K). It was a gorgeous day outside and we spent Sunday walking with some great friends for a great cause. Even though I don't have breat cancer, I still feel a bond to these women that are fighting this disease or those that have beat it.

Well, that's just a quick update now that I have a computer that works! Thanks to all of you for your many prayers and words of encouragement. God is doing miraculous things inside of me and he is answering many many prayers!!!

Halfway done!!!!

Hey! So this past Wednesday marked the half-way point of my chemo...yay!! I have 6 more treatments to go, which will put me at my last one being on December 15th. I will have 4 weeks of radiation after that, with radiation being 5 days a week. This coming week I will have a repeat CT scan to see how much the tumor is shrinking and then my PET scan will be once my chemo is completed in December.

I can tell that the fatigue is starting to build up a little....it's getting a little bit harder each time to bounce back after my chemo on Wednesdays. This time I was wiped out by Thursday afternoon and am still feeling pretty tired today (Saturday). The Neulasta gave me a little more bone pain again this time, but Ibuprofen and a little Vicodin does wonders. I had some wonderful helpers this week - Shana came over to watch my kiddos while I had chemo on Wednesday, a fellow teacher from Mike's school came over on Friday with lunch and let me take a nap, and now a wonderful family from church is watching all of my kids while Mike is golfing (school fundraiser...in the rain today) so that I could sleep in and rest. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to everyone who has helped or offered to help us out. I know I am stubborn sometimes and think I can just do it myself, but just to know that there are people willing and able to help relieves so much stress and anxiety. I don't like making myself vulnerable and asking for help, but I finally did ask this time, and am feeling better because of it. This way I can be a better wife and mom, instead of being overly exhausted and crabby all of the time. Thanks again to all of you!!!!

I hope you all have a great weekend - thinking back to 9 years ago on 9/11, Mike and I had just started dating and I was in my first clinical of nursing school as we watched the towers fall. Now, 9 years later, I have a wonderful husband, 3 beautiful children, a great job that I love, and a cancer diagnosis. As life changes dramatically, like on 9/11 and as I recieved my diagnosis, we know that God's love never fails. Praise and glory to Him who sits on the throne!!

Chemo #5 and Chris Rice

So, on the morning after my biopsy in June, I was in so much pain that I had Mike drive me to the pharmacy to get my pain pill prescription filled. On the way there, I'm trying to be so strong and not cry, and I hear this song by Chris Rice "Come to Jesus." I couldn't help but listen to the words and I felt like this song was written just for me....and the tears flowed freely. Every time I am in the car and I have that station on, I hear it now. Here are the lyrics:

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O raise your head for love is passing by
come to Jesus
come to Jesus
come to Jesus, and live

now your burden's lifted
and carried far away
and precious blood has washed away the stain, so
sing to Jesus
sing to Jesus
sing to Jesus, and live

and like a newborn baby
don't be afraid to crawl
and remember when you walk
sometimes we fall, so
fall on Jesus
fall on Jesus
fall on Jesus, and live

Sometimes the way is lonely
and steep and filled with pain
so if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
cry to Jesus
cry to Jesus
cry to Jesus, and live

O, and when the love spills over
and music fills the night
and when you can't contain the joy inside, then
dance for Jesus
dance for Jesus
dance for Jesus, and live

and with your final heartbeat
kiss the world goodbye
then go in peace, and laugh on glory's side, and
fly to Jesus
fly to Jesus
fly to Jesus, and live!!!

This song just means so much to me as I feel like I wouldn't be able to get through this time in my life without falling on Jesus, and yet dancing for Jesus at the same time. I've been given this horrible thing called cancer so I fall on Jesus, but at a time where we welcome another beautiful baby into our home, so then I dance for Jesus. In the midst of darkness and sadness, God continues to bless us each and every day.

Chemo #5 was yesterday, with my Neulasta shot today. I'm pretty tired today, but I forced myself to go to yoga tonight and came home feeling much better. Mike started school yesterday, so I need prayers to keep my energy up to deal with the kiddos all day. No more free naps for me!!! I know a lot of people thing yoga is weird and 'eastern,' but I have always loved it, and I really feel like it is a form of exercise that I can continue to do through all of this that still builds strength. Plus, the little time of rest at the end is WONDERFUL!!! :)

One more round of chemo and I am halfway done!!! I truly feel blessed to not be experiencing a lot of side effects that others experience. I just keep thinking that there must be so many people praying for me and God is hearing all of your prayers!!!! Thanks again for all of your kind words and prayers. Much love to you all!!!

So, I'm sorry that it has been a little while since I blogged last....this summer is just flying by!! Here are a few pictures from our recent trip to the zoo.

I had a treatment again last week Wednesday, and I've felt pretty good. I haven't had any severe bone pain like the last time, which is an answer to prayer. I felt great the day of chemo, so I decided that it's time for me to start exercising again. Well, the mosquitoes are so bad here that I can't walk without getting attacked, so I decided to hop on my bike. Well, I lasted only 3 miles and came back home. My muscles are so weak!!! Yikes! I didn't sleep hardly at all that night and still felt pretty good on Thursday so I decided to go to a yoga class. It felt soooo great to stretch and attempt to strengthen, but man, once again, I am so weak!!! Friday came around and I felt pretty tired and achy - probably a combination of being sore from yoga and the chemo/Neulasta side effects. I took a long nap on Friday and felt much better.

All weekend I have kind of been waiting for that horrible pain to come back, but it hasn't yet, so I think I'm in the clear!! Yay! Today has been such a gorgeous day outside and I've felt really good today. I took a small walk this morning with my boys and hopefully we can get out again tonight after dinner for another one.

This week we have friends from out of town coming to visit, which I have been looking forward to all summer! It looks like it is supposed to be gorgeous outside all week, so it should be a great week. (it would be great even if it rained everyday!!)

Thanks again for all of your kind words and prayers - much love to you all!!

Hey everyone - well, first of all, Mike and I had a great time at Wicked on Saturday night (thanks so much to Margaret for watching our kiddos!!!). I felt well that day and we really enjoyed the show. :)

Sunday we had a great day - we went to church and then went to some friend's house for lunch and had a great time. On Monday morning, I woke up feeling some increased pain in my back by my epidural site, but I tried to ignore it and we decided to go to Grandma Mary's pool (our "adopted" Wisconsin Grandma). ;) While we were there, my pain kept getting worse, until I could hardly stand it anymore - it was really weird pain - throbbing deep in my back that would shoot up to the back of my neck at the base of my skull. So we left for home after lunchtime and I thought I was going to lose it - I have never had pain that bad in my life. I would have rather been in labor with 10 more children than to go through that again. I started freaking out a little bit, thinking I could have an infection (my WBCs are so low, that's it is totally possible), meningitis, or a leak in my spinal fluid from being poked 4 times for my epidural. I was in too much pain to call the Dr., so Mike called Dr. Lee (OB) and he said to come right in. Well, thanks again to Margaret and Rachel, they came over to watch the kiddos last minute and we went in to see Dr. Lee. He assessed me and didn't really know what to say. He talked to the anesthesiologist and my oncologist, and they all are pretty sure that this is from my Neulasta shot that I got last week Thursday. (to increase WBC's to fight infection) That was a relief to me, but I was still in so much pain - so I had to start taking my pain pills again. Ughh. So, by Tuesday the pain started getting a little bit better and Wednesday I would only have short periods of pain. Thank God!!! Hopefully these symptoms don't come every time I get the shot, which will be the day after each chemo treatment.

Today, I was feeling much better, so we went to the zoo this morning with the whole family. I will try to post some pictures on here eventually.

My hair is for sure starting to fall out, but it is still pretty thick. It's coming out a lot slower than I expected, which is kind of torturous, but at least I can keep my hair for a little longer. I have mixed emotions about that - sometimes, I don't really care and am looking forward to wearing my new pink scarf that I ordered (thanks Bridget!), and other times I get really depressed about being bald. I guess this is to be expected....

Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers...much love, Kara